Books·Canadian

The Gum Thief

A novel by Douglas Coupland.

Douglas Coupland

Roger is a divorced, middle-aged "aisles associate" at a Staples outlet, condemned to restocking reams of 20-lb. bond paper for the rest of his life. And then there's Roger's co-worker Bethany, who's at the end of her Goth phase, and young enough to be looking at 50 more years of sorting the red pens from the blue in Aisle Six.

One day, Bethany comes across Roger's notebook in the staff room. When she opens it up, she discovers that this old guy she's never considered as quite human is writing mock diary entries pretending to be her — and spookily, he is getting her right. She also learns he has a tragedy in his past — and suddenly he no longer seems like just a paper-stocking robot with a name tag.

These two retail workers strike up a peculiar and touching epistolary relationship, their lives unfolding alongside Roger's work-in-progress, the oddly titled Glove Pond, a Cheever-era novella gone horribly, horribly wrong. (From Vintage Canada)

From the book

I'm the dead girl whose locker you spat on somewhere between recess and lunch. 

I'm not really dead, but I dress like I want to be. There's something generic about girls like me: we hate the sun, we wear black, and we feel trapped inside our bodies like a nylon fur mascot at a football game. 

I wish I were dead most of the time. I can't believe the meat I got stuck with, and where I got stuck and with whom. I wish I were a ghost.

And FYI, I'm not in school any more, but the spitting thing was real: a little moment that sums up life. I work in a Staples. I'm in charge of restocking aisles 2-North and 2-South: Sheet Protectors, Indexes & Dividers, Note books, Post-It Products, Paper Pads, Specialty Papers and "Social Stationery." Do I hate this job? Are you nuts? Of course I hate it. How could you not hate it? Everyone who works with me is either already damaged or else they're embryos waiting to be damaged, fresh out of school and slow as a 1999 modem. Just because you've been born and made it through high school doesn't mean society can't still abort you. Wake up.


From The Gum Thief by Douglas Coupland ©2007. Published by Vintage Canada. 

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