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Comedy
Funny Wins: the Funniest Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe
August 29, 2011
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The Edinburgh Fringe Festival is the world's largest arts fest. It's also a great place to catch some of the funniest people on the planet saying inappropriate things for money.

But who's funniest? Dave, a UK TV channel that broadcasts comedy programming, has assembled a panel of 10 critics and 3,000 fans to name the 10 best jokes from this year's festival. And here they are:

Edinburgh Fringe Festival's Top Ten Funny Jokes

1. "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." Nick Helm

2. "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels." Tim Vine

3. "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time.' You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works." Hannibal Buress

4. "Drive Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought ... once you've hired the car ..." Tim Key

5. "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess." Matt Kirshen

6. "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards." Sarah Millican

7. "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure." Alan Sharp

8. "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife." Mark Watson

9. "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails." Andrew Lawrence

10. "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin." DeAnne Smith

There are definitely some winners in there. And it got us thinking - what jokes and/or one-liners do the staff of our show find the funniest? Here are a few of our favourites:

"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that." - Mitch Hedberg

"Reduce your eco footprint - wear heels!" - Stefanie McCarrol

"How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand." - Emo Philips

"So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "give me some chapstick and put it on my bill."

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

And finally, from friend of the show and recent interviewee Zach Galifianakis, comes this:

"My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing."

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