What it tells you: This elicits a person's values, the unconscious drives that guide behaviour. The answer will often be a single word: love, friendship, power, freedom, fun, etc. It's important to ask this several times to compile a list. What to do with it: Finding your partner's two or three strongest values will give you great insight into his/her personality and can pay huge dividends in understanding what drives him/her.
Follow up by asking, "How do you know when you have those things?" The answer may be something like, "I know I have love when I hear you say it," or "I know I have freedom when I can take two vacations a year."
What it tells you: This question reveals what he/she hates or fears and tries to prevent—from humiliation to poverty to death. What to do with it: Use the answer to help you better understand his/her reactions to different situations.
What it tells you: This will identify your partner's role model and those characteristics or personality traits he/she wants or highly respects. We often admire qualities that we actually already have in an undeveloped form. What to do with it: Make an effort to compliment him/her on those characteristics to help motivate him/her to cultivate them.
What it tells you: This sets what's known as the mission statement or final goal of your partner's life. Interestingly, it's often buried in the subconcious until the question is asked. What to do with it: Asking this will bring the material into conscious awareness for consideration and can be a very powerful motivator.
What it tells you: This question reveals how you're valued. Obviously, you're looking for depth here, not, "Sure love those meatballs!" What to do with it: Take what he/she says to heart! Carry it with you and recall the answer when times are tough.
*These questions will help men get to know their women just as well, so don't discriminate!
Relationship expert Mike Mandel is a trained psychotherapist, world-renowned hypnotist and jiu-jitsu expert. But he's learned his most important life lessons from his 30-year gig as husband to Heather.