Destination: South Africa

Photo by Anjali Nayar

Cape Town, South Africa

We love to hate 'em.

Long, plastic and China-made, vuvuzelas have become a fixture of the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. Every once in a while there is a moment of absolute symphony -- a certain beat that fills the stadium in a dramatic crescendo beyond any expectation for monotone hooters. The Onion has rightly put the South African Vuvuzela Philharmonic  centre stage.

But no sooner, the ensemble catapults back into chaos, an angry swarm of bees emerges.

The other night I got my very own instrument as a bar parting gift. I must admit, I haven't blown in it yet and may not actually need to. Over the last few weeks, as the novelty of the instrument fades (OK, for many people blasting out eardrums still ends in a round of giggles), I've noticed the instruments taking on all-new functions  Take a look at my photos of how people are using the vuvuzellas.

Last week in Cape Town's Green Point stadium groups of youth were using their horns to inflate the free condoms available in stadium washrooms. The elongate sausage balloons then floated around the stadium bumping along the heads of spectators before ending up on the field.

In honour of our collective hearing, here are the top ten things you can do with your vuvuzela, without blowing into it.

Top five

5. Hearing Aid. After you've lost your hearing from one-too-many close vuvuzela encounters, it can be used in reverse, as an amplifier.

4. Beer funnel. I haven't measured it out yet, but pretty sure you could get at least a pint in there.

3. Weapon for post-game hooliganism. The first attack was a couple of weeks ago after the Brazil/ Ivory Coast game. Although the South African Police have managed to keep many hooligans out of the country so far, I'm wondering how long it will last with the final four around the corner. The heat is on for hardcore supporters and this common implement could turn into the weapon of choice.

2. Maradona's inhaler. We've all heard about Maradona's ludicrous hotel demands before the World Cup.  I couldn't pass this one up, a poke on his (former) drug habit. A lovely crafted picture of Maradona using one of South Africa's finest vuvuzelas to snort a line of cocaine.

1. Plug for the BP oil leak. Thanks to the guys at Metro  for this idea. If BP has another oil leak, they could simply lower a massive vuvuzela on top of the broken pipe and voila -- a new oil well!

If you have any other ideas, please send them through in the comments section!

Up this week: World Cup and Xenophobia

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