Famed theoretical physicist Stephen Hawking has mulled over some of the greatest mysteries in the universe, but now he’s being faced with the greatest challenge of his professional career: figuring out how England can actually win the World Cup.

Hawking needed all of his formidable brainpower to address the question. He revealed his findings on gambling website Paddy Power. Because the first thing you think of when you’re placing a parlay is theoretical physics, always.

Some of Hawking’s findings include...

  • England plays better while wearing red
  • The team’s most successful formation is 4-3-3
  • They don’t play well if the weather is warm
  • WAGs don’t affect the outcome of their matches
  • They need a European ref to officiate, as they are normally less sympathetic to “ballerinas like Suarez” (his words)
  • Bald and fair-haired players are more likely to score penalties

The video is below. Mobile users can click here to watch.

Banking firm invests in Brazil’s chances, busted for insider trading

In a move that in no way is meant to capitalize on the World Cup’s popularity, investment firm Goldman Sachs has predicted that Brazil will win the World Cup.

Known for its sterling reputation and ability to get things right, the firm said that it predicts Brazil will beat Argentina 3-1 in the final.

Further research indicates that Goldman Sachs is neither an octopus nor a parakeet so its World Cup prediction can be safely ignored.

4 unrelated coincidences = England wins World Cup

The Daily Mail served notice that This Could Be England’s Year, not counting 2010, 2006, 2002, 1998, 1990, and others.

In a report, the British paper said that, just like in 1966, four things happened:

  • Austria won the Eurovision competition
  • Real Madrid won the European championship
  • Atletico Madrid won the La Liga crown
  • An FA Cup winner overturned a 2-0 deficit for a 3-2 win

To give the report more credence, the Daily Mail omitted team’s actual on-field talent compared to other participants in Brazil.

The paper also failed to note other things that happened in 1966 that are occurring in present day, such as...

  • Someone ate a ham sandwich
  • A child pleased his mother by getting an “A” on his report card
  • The earth rotated around the sun for 365 days
  • A dog barked
  • People gathered for a dinner party
  • Erosion