England and Honduras competed in an exhibition friendly Saturday ahead of their participation in the FIFA World Cup. 

Here, the word “friendly” is used in the loosest terms possible, due to the fact that there were six yellow cards, one red card, an elbow to the face, a beer can to the head, and a ball kicked at a groin. There was also a thunderstorm. 

Afterwards, reporters noticed a flipchart England manager Roy Hodgson used after the match, displaying some notes he wanted to convey to the players.

Below are the highlights of that list and, because we couldn’t help ourselves, commentary under each. 

1. "Could have been better in our use of the ball"

  • By “better” we think he means “score just one goal please because that’s how you win soccer matches.”

2. "No injuries" 

  • Refer to “elbow in the face” and “ball kicked to the groin” for more info. 

3. "Had best chances"

  • They were thwarted by the reasons stated above. 

4. "Delighted with workout"

  • Another positive, in that nobody was struck by lightning (this was an actual danger).

5. "We may face this in Brazil"

  • Hodgson is referring to participating in the sport of “soccer” against an “opposing team” here.

6. "We showed cool temperament"

  • Extra points if the use of “cool” is a pun. You will understand this better if your knowledge of Miami is good, more specifically that it is “hot” there.

7. "We are ready for Italy! Don't talk Italy"

  • This is subjective, and others may disagree. Also it looks like John Cleese was here. 

8. "Look forward to getting to base in Rio/real thing"

  • This is pretty self-explanatory unless there is some sort of existential metaphysical crisis going on within the England side right now. Which would also be self-explanatory, when you think about it. 

9. "Don't answer questions on Falklands!"

  • Hodgson is referring to this little thing that Argentina did before the team’s friendly against Slovenia.

For further reference please watch the end of the 1998 World Cup match between England and Argentina, best known for the Argentine announcer yelling “Falkland Islands” over and over after they won. Also probably look up the “Falkland Islands War” if you have time and access to an internet.

Also, John Cleese was definitely here.