Welcome to the ridiculous road to the Olympics, where we are currently shaking our heads at the amount of stories that currently fit under that theme. It's (for lack of a better term) ridiculous.
Can't put a price tag on security (unless it's a discount sticker)
In the midst of protests against the Brazilian government that are millions strong, the country has opted for an effective cost-cutting measure to help quell the unrest.
"Effective," here, being a relative term, which doesn't consider whether you are actually going to the Rio Olympics or don't care about personal well-being while you are attending.
For example, if you go the Games, you will do so under the safety of a Brazilian security budget that was recently slashed by around $550 million US. The budget slash was just a small part of the fallout over Brazil's massive recession and corruption scandals, which has kind of made everyone forget about the Olympics anyway because the entire country is currently a roiling mass of anger.
When asked about the cuts by CBC's Kim Brunhuber in Brazil, the Rio Olympics security chief calmly soothed the security fears:
"We have been collecting the best practices worldwide to employ in big events," Andrei Rodrigues said. "From this point on, we adapted them to our Brazilian realities."
"It's hard to say that it guarantees 100 per cent of safety, that we are immune from these kinds of attacks."
Yes, those were actual quotes.
An (accidentally) good career move
In other news, Brazil's Sports Minister George Hilton has resigned.
Despite the fact that he may have been forced out of his position by Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff, this is probably the best career move a Brazilian politician has made in the past year.
Your Zika virus defence update brought to you by... Adidas?
Two new defence strategies have emerged to combat the Zika virus during the Olympics.
The first is an app being created by Brazil's health ministry. It will, according to AFP, provide information on preventing the virus' spread, ask users about their health, point them to the nearest hospital, and will also provide a quiz in the form of an Olympics-themed video game.
So now, smartphone users can have some fun while they wait and see if they have a terrifying illness that may permanently disable their unborn child.
The second new defence strategy is, wait for it — long-sleeved shirts.
"We have spoken to Adidas to get the athletes another light, long-sleeve top for protection," Australia's Chef de Mission Kitty Chiller said to Brisbane's The Courier-Mail. "The athletes have other instructions such as keeping windows and doors closed."
Better safe than sorry.
Event cancelled due to lack of wood
It's exactly what it sounds like:
Wait, what were you expecting?
When asked about the Velodrome concerns, Rio spokesman Mario Andrada said he is "120 per cent" sure the venue will be ready for the Olympics, just shy of the 234 per cent needed to be fully assured of its completion, and 523 per cent behind whatever it is percentage points mean nowadays.
How's the water in Rio doing?
Full of garbage and possibly an old copy of War and Peace.
This is Guanabara Bay, where olympic athletes will compete in Rio 2016. Rio governor said the water is clean. pic.twitter.com/nXOqhwP0x7— @DiscoverAndKnow