Key issues for sports parents: Your child's performance

Last Updated: January 25, 2009 12:44 PM  

Cal Botterill The Parental Guide

Tryouts to make the team

Tryouts can be a nerve-wracking time for children (and parents) as the upcoming season approaches.  Children may become anxious and begin, especially as they grow older, to focus on the possibility that they may not make the team.  It is important to remind them to focus on thier own performance and not worry about what the coach is thinking of them or compare themselves to their teammates. 

Encourage young athletes to set one or two daily goals for each day of training camp and review their progress at the end of each day.  The more they focus on the process of performing to their potential, the better their chance of making the team.

Parents can help children realize that during tryouts their self-worth is not on the line.  There are many paths to excellence, and while not succeeding at a particular tryout may be momentarily demoralizing, it should be kept in perspective.  Even Michael Jordan was once cut from his high school basketball team.

Winning, losing and playing the game

Winning is nice, losing is tough, but for children (and you) what should be most important is how they played the game.  After the game, avoid asking competitive-based questions such as:

• Did you win?
• Did you score?

You may be just trying to show interst but the effects can often be detrimental to your child.  Competitive-based questions can trigger feelings of failure, guilt, embarrassment and shame, and cause confusion for your child about what the primary purpose of participation should be.

Instead, help children to objectively evaluate their performance.  Ask performance-related questions such as:

• What went well?
• What needs to be improved?
• How can these improvements be achieved?
• What were some of the highlights?
• Did you have fun?

Feedback is extremely important - the primary focus should be on learning and improving, not on winning and losing.

Working with teammates 

Encourage young athletes to communicate with teammates.  By communicating perspectives, they may defuse a difficult situation.  By saying nothing the unresolved situation may eat away at them for a long period of time.  If children learn to be good communicators, they will be able to concentrate on developing their performance skills to the benefit of themselves and the team.

Likewise, every team should have a code of conduct that encourages frank and open sharing of feelings before they become too emotionally loaded.  The intent is to deal with the molehills before they become mountains.  Good communication among team members should improve the team's performance both in practice and during competitions.  Poor communication can only lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, anger and poor team performance.

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