The cliché template
We're knee deep in the playoffs of an exhausting season, so it's getting harder and harder for us sportswriters to remember which clichés go where and in what situations.
That's why CBCSports.ca's Brandon Hicks came up with a revolutionary template, which has saved him immense amounts of time which he is now using to take extra long lunches and check over his fantasy baseball picks.
So on one of his four-hour lunches, we found the template and have posted it below. It may change the way we write sports…forever.
Or maybe not.
Headline: [Team A] must [skate/shoot/emote] better for improved results
After [insert number] games over [insert number] days, it's do or die time for the [insert team name A] and the [team name B] on [insert day], with everything on the line because they control their own destiny but they have to treat this just like any other game as everything comes down to this battle.
[Team A] is really having a hard time heading into this crucial contest, dropping its last [three/five/10,000] games, and needs to get better on its [backcheck/forecheck/backstroke] for improved results.
"It's getting a bit tough out there," said John Smith, [forward/defenceman/coach/Zamboni driver] for [Team A]. "But all we have to do is stay [positive/focused/away from all-night buffet tables] and stick to our own game, and we'll be fine."
One problem for [Team A] is their [penalty kill/power play/basic hockey skills], which has really struggled as of late. [Team A] is [insert some sort of negative statistics], which is really bad.
But the main thing that [Team A] needs to do, above all else, is [prevent traffic in front of the net/get traffic in front of the net/stop getting stuck in traffic before the game].
So with their [backs against the wall/season on the line/tee times booked], the [cute nickname for Team A] are pulling out all the stops to [survive/live to fight another day/continue to abuse the team expense account while on the road].
With that in mind, [Team A] is calling up hotshot forward Dean [Jones/Johnson/Youngblood], hailing from [small-town Canada/northern U.S./The Moon]. He's currently lighting up the [whatever league he's currently in] with [some sort of stats].
"I'm just happy to be here, happy to [contribute/help out the team/help out my bank account]," he said. "I'm not going to try and do too much, just give [100/110/infinity] per cent and see what happens."
[Insert catchy heading here]
Meanwhile, [Team B] is continuing its [magical/Cinderella/Rumpelstiltskin] run, thanks in large part to the hot play of [goalie/forward/P.A. announcer] Jim Jackson.
"I'm not doing anything [different/out of the ordinary/if you don't count carrying my entire team on my back]," he said. "And I've got [great/good/the worst] teammates around me, who are [giving their all/playing their hearts out/remind me of pylons when we're out on the ice]."
"All I'm doing is just playing within [myself/my ability/the arena during the allotted time that the game is running]."
The [cute nickname for Team B] are doing the [improbable/impossible/thing that happens almost every year] by knocking off the favourites, and might be nearing another major [upset/shocker/corporate sponsorship] with their recent play.
With everything on the line, it all comes down to this one final game that's sure to be a [classic/barnburner/blowout].
Because both teams control their own destiny in a must-win situation for all the marbles with no tomorrow and have to remember what got them here because they have a chance to do something really special and if they lose they go home.
Because in the playoffs [anything/something/absolutely nothing] can happen.