Satire: Distinct kicking motions
The NHL kicked up a dust cloud of confusion recently when the league disallowed a goal that went in off the skate of Daniel Sedin in Game 3 of the Kings-Canucks series.
Sedin's combined hobbies of soccer and karate almost paid off when he directed a puck into the net with the outside of his skate (while being shoved and moving away from the net) in the third period that would've cut the Canucks deficit to one.
After a lengthy review, the NHL deemed it wasn't a goal, and Vancouver went on to lose the game. The league clearly explained its decision on Hockey Night in Canada later that night.
"If a puck is kicked into the net, and the player intended to kick it in, and it's distinct in its intent, and it's a Wednesday, and Mars is clearly visible in the night sky, and if I had a ham sandwich for lunch, and if it's rainy but not pouring outside, then it's not a goal. Or it is. I'm not sure," said Mike Murphy, the NHL's director of hockey operations.
*Disclaimer: There's a 100 per cent chance that the previous quote was made up. But you get the idea.
If that wasn't enough, the NHL disallowed another disputed goal a few days later in the first overtime of Game 5 of the Senators-Penguins series, when Ottawa's Nick Foligno was declared guilty of kicking the puck into the net.
If Sens GM Bryan Murray were an upper-class Briton from the early 1900's, this is what he might have been saying in the team box at this time: "Oh I dare say, old chap, my spectacles may be deceiving me but I am as adamant with this as I am that we can make gold from dirt that this was indeed a good goal."
But he's not. So he was actually saying this: "$#$%@$#@$#@R$#$ GOAL #$#$#$@#@#!!!!"
The Sens survived anyway to win in triple overtime to prolong the series, but you can probably imagine the foot-related headlines if Pittsburgh had taken it.
A few people think the NHL is playing footsy with U.S. teams, in order to get more people high-toeing their way to the playoff games down south, and this is just another example of the league stepping on Canadian toes to get an American market served.
It's like the NHL tried to pull a two-step on the Canucks and Senators, but instead the league booted it by putting its foot in its mouth and — ARRRRGGGGGHHH!!!
Brandon Hicks has just been crushed under the weight of his terrible foot-related puns.