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Finally feeling I deserve a day off

December 15, 2009 12:00 PM | Posted by   Veronika Bauer  

This is the first time in 10 months that I feel like I need a day off.

My return to sport started three weeks ago and to most people involved, it seemed impossible that I could be ready to compete at the first World Cup of the year. I think the only person who believed I could make that miracle happen was my coach. After laying on a couch due to a complex concussion for 10 months, weak and overweight, do you think a person can get back to world class level in one month?

A fine balance

Day one started with two rounds of six exercises that used just my body weight. I got as much rest time in between as needed, which I made good use of when I was gasping for air after as little as 10 single-leg squats. I also rode the bike on level zero for 10 minutes. This was to increase by three minutes every workout. Three minutes?! That’s not enough I thought. I need to be landing jumps on snow. I feared at that rate I would never be ready.

I was and am still closely monitored by our trainer. He makes the plans and I have to completely trust in him. He has kept a journal tracking my progress and my symptoms. It’s a delicate task of finding the perfect balance of pushing me as hard as possible while at the same time making sure we don’t aggravate my brain to the point of a setback. We had absolutely no time to lose. We weren’t sure if there was enough time even with everything going smoothly.

Two weeks into the return, and squatting 155 pounds, I have clearance to try a few of my easy jumps. There is no way to know if my brain has fully recovered and we run the risk of me easily getting another concussion and saying goodbye to my Olympic dream.

Will my body remember?

Standing at the top of the hill, looking down at the jumps, the only thing that will help me now is to completely focus on what I control. Would the feeling still be there? Would my body remember what to do? Yes! I did a perfect jump. It was probably my best first jump of the season ever.

My return has been ridiculously fast. I wouldn’t normally increase the difficulty of my jumps day by day like we have. It takes time to get used to the feeling, getting the angles just right, feeling the speed, knowing exactly where you are in space in order to do three full twists and two flips and land on your feet.

There is no room for doubt. I have to rely on and trust my talent and years of experience.

So, today, I am flying to China. Not yet doing the difficulty I need to win. All I can do is keep moving the way I have been. One day at a time. If I look ahead it is frustrating and overwhelming. What I’m doing seems so far from where I need to be, but I have to be happy with my progress and try to not get frustrated with knowing I’m still behind.

I do the most I can with each day I have. It's gotten me this far and hopefully it gets me to the podium next week. Until then I'll be enjoying these long flights because I'm tired and could really use a day off.

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