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Competing with a heavy heart

December 11, 2009 01:12 AM | Posted by   Kelly VanderBeek  

I can't really talk about Lake Louise and last weekend's opening World Cup speed races without talking about the passing of my mother-in-law, MegAnne Ford.

Although I hadn't intended on letting everyone know about her passing, I simply broke down in the finish area after the final downhill training run last Thursday, unable to finish the interview I'd started. I had to explain what was happening.

My husband, David Ford, flew to Victoria to see his ailing mom, but unfortunately missed her passing by about an hour. Her death left both of us shaken and stricken with grief. I was happy when David returned so we could share in this grief and support each other as best we could. David did an amazing job of supporting me through these races; given his emotional state he was truly remarkable.

Racing was certainly challenging as I did my best to control the grief that was always so close to the surface. On Friday I found myself quite numb to it all, but by Sunday — at least on the hill — I felt more like myself, as though MegAnne was there with me in some way.

It was a solid weekend of racing for me — I finished 13th in each of the two downhills and 11th in the super-G — but it was a very strong weekend for the team. The highlights were Emily Brydon's two downhill podiums, along with a super-G race in which all six Canadian girls in the field finished in the top-30.

It was wonderful to see the team rise to the occasion and to know that all our hard work this summer is paying off. Knowing I finished 11th in the super-G despite costly mistake at the bottom is extremely promising as well, and finishing 13th in the second downhill with ice blinding one of my eyes for the bottom half of the course was also a strong indication of how I'm skiing. Even with a few curveballs, I'm still in the mix.

Green burial a fitting tribute

I was asked in an interview how I thought this weekend would help me during the Olympics in February as a type of "trial run." I answered by saying that the Olympics are a massive undertaking that can throw any number of curveballs our way. This week was certainly filled with such obstacles, and that will only make me stronger moving forward. I also saw my team step up in ways I don't even think we expected. It was great to see and very promising.

About an hour after getting in the car to leave Lake Louise, when the day's race adrenaline had worn off, I broke down into deep sobs. The grief, though strong, had stayed just below the surface for the weekend, but in the car I finally let myself feel everything that had been there all along. As MegAnne's family and support network told me, though, it's these tears that will carry her into the next world.

David and I hit the road back to Chilliwack, B.C., on Sunday, then rose early Monday morning for the funeral in Victoria. MegAnne was a pioneer in many aspects of her life, and that continued in her death with a "green burial." She's one of the first in Canada to have a green burial — as of now Victoria is still the only place I know of that offers this option.

It was a beautiful ceremony performed by women who made up a large part of MegAnne's spiritual network. I, along with seven other women, carried MegAnne to where she will rest. The ceremony included some chants, shared stories about MegAnne, and many tears as we said goodbye. To end the ceremony, everyone got one flower which was crushed and placed on her body before being lowered.

I would encourage anyone who is interested to look into green burials; it was remarkably spiritual and, at least for MegAnne, it certainly honoured her connection with the earth and it's energy.

Back to Europe

I'm now hoping to get back to some normal sleep patterns and a few days of good training before we hit the road for the World Cup events in Val d'Isere next week.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words, support and love. I hope you all know how much I cherish family, friends, and the network that I find myself so blessed to be a part of.

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