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Extra long nap on deadline day

March 9, 2009 02:55 PM | Posted by   P.J. Stock  

What the? I must have dozed off. Where am I? What time is it?

Hmmm. The last thing I remember I was getting ready on trade deadline morning for all the day's action. I was at the Bell Centre in Montreal having a chamomile tea with Canadiens general manager Bob Gainey.

Bob, where's Bob? Oh, hold on, there's a big lump over there on the couch. What the ...

PJ: Mr. Gainey, wake up! Bob, let's go! Wheelin' and dealin' time.

Bob: Oh Yeah, let's get this day going.

PJ: I think the Habs need a big strong centreman to help you guys out since Lang went down.

Bob: Good thinking. PJ, you're smart and have such a keen eye for the game of hockey!

PJ: Thanks Bob but today's not about me, it's about getting your Montreal Canadiens better. Let's get crackalin' nephew!

Bob: Straight up dawg!

PJ: Big Bizzle, the Montrizzle Canizzles need a tizzle centremizzle!

Bob: Yeah booooooooyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Bob: I'm gonna call Wayno (Wayne Gretzky, a.k.a. 99) and offer up some of my disgruntled employees for Jokinen, he'll be great for us.

PJ: Good thinking Bob, a right-handed centreman would be ideal, but I like where you are headed with this.

Bob: Mr. Stock, can I have Wayne's number?

PJ: Sure ... 867 5309

Bob dialing

99: Hello.

Bob: Hey Wayne, Bob Gainey here of the Montreal Canadiens.

99: Hey Bob.

Bob: Wayne, I know you're a seller and I'm a buyer, so let's keep this to small talk. Begin and Dandenault for Jokinen. Deal or no deal?

99: Bob, you're joking right? He's in Calgary. I moved him almost a week ago on trade deadline day.

Bob: Whaddya mean, it's not trade day?

99: You're funny Bob. Anyhoo, all the best with the team, but I need to get going.

Bob hangs up

Bob: What day is it?

PJ: Trade day, why?

Bob: Wayne said it was last week. How long did we fall asleep for?

PJ picks up phone and calls random number

Random guy: Oui Allo, Ti Paul's Pountinerie, how may I help you?

PJ: Excuse moi, what day are we?

Random guy: Lundi, da first jour of da week. I love da lundi!

PJ: Merci beaucoup.

PJ hangs up

PJ: Bob, um, uh, well, um, you see I think we have a problem here. The chap on the phone said it was Monday.

Bob: You mean we slept for five days? We missed trade day? I slept through trade deadline day? I missed the opportunity to make my team better for the playoffs? I didn't deal any of my 10 unrestricted players? I didn't get a big centre? I didn't add any power forwards in case we play Boston or Philly or Jersey in the playoffs? I did nothing? I slept the entire day? What do I tell everyone? What do I do? Oh Please, PJ, Jedi Knight of hockey minds, I need some of your wisdom.

PJ: No prob Bob, that's what friends are for (using best Dionne Warwick impersonation).

PJ: Tell everyone you like your team as is. Use the "potential" line. You know, 'we have a good team but I know we can be better, the boys aren't playing up to their potential right now but when they do ...we're going to be good, really good!'

Bob: That's good. You're so wise. OK, I'm going to go speak to the media. They'll eat this up for sure.

Bob leaves.

PJ blogs.

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