Step One

Dial 1-877-34-SPARK (toll-free inside Canada) or 1-416-205-7021 (anywhere else). It's not necessary, but you'll sound much better if you call from a landline.

Step Two

Wait for the beep, then record this message, speaking slowly, clearly, and with lots of personality. It's supposed to sound a bit like an infomercial:

Hi. This is _____. A few weeks ago, I was feeling so depressed. I was listening to Spark, but I couldn't help but feel like something was missing. Something like a toll-free number. Then I heard about 1-877-34-SPARK. So I called, and it was so fun, and so easy. Now I call 1-877-34 SPARK every day! Sometimes twice a day! Sometimes forty times a day! I've lost 30 pounds and inches off my waist... My teeth are whiter.... And that rash on my shoulder cleared up... Thanks 1-877-34 SPARK! You can call and leave comments about anything you hear on Spark... or leave story ideas, suggestions, or your questions. Because sometimes questions are the best way to start a story. Like this one:

Step Three

Say your name by itself at the end of your message for the credits. Make sure to say leave your email address too, so I can get in touch (we won't broadcast email addresses).