I really related to your show this morning - Episode 5 - the New Single. I am a single woman in my late 40's. For years I have complained that as a single person, I can't get internet, cable and phone packages that are designed for 1 person. If you want everything you can get a deal---if you don't need or want unlimited 'time' on your internet or less 'bundle' options---for less money---well, forget it. There are so many situations that arise---that show us that our world is marketed to families. And don't get me stated about work!

Posted by: Julie | July 24, 2008 03:24 PM

Being single is more often a choice a person takes. I agree there are many which have higher hurdles to jump in order to find a mate. It is a fact that last year we hit less than 50% of Canadians were married couples... but does that take into account common-law spouses? I know probably as many couples that have been together for 3 or 4 years, some even close to 20 years, and never plan to get married.

To answer Julie's comment about businesses not giving singles deals for smaller packages. Deals are out there, you have to go get them.

But keep in mind that most times deals come when usage is in bulk. The same goes for food and tickets at a rock concert. Do you expect to get a deal if you only take a small 250 g brick of cheese? No, you expect a deal if you take the 4 kg brick. Usually deals work in that 'I will take alot more if you give me a small discount.'

Being single, you consume less than the family of 5 next door. If I were a business man, I would much rather keep the family of 5 loyal to my product than the single person... not only is there more immidiate money to make off the family of 5, but it is free advertisement to the children in that family which will most likely buy my product when they move out.

It is ashame, but it all does come down to money.

Posted by: JMC | July 24, 2008 08:14 PM

It is tough being single, and very difficult to meet women. I am a attractive average man of 38, fit & strong, hard working, wide interests (science, history, nature, fishing, astronomy, classical music, cooking), and capable in many ways. It is nearly impossible to find single women, nearly all the time they have boyfriend and I am out of luck, a complete roadblock. Women seem to break up, and are ‘available’ for few hours, then welded to another boyfriend for years. Around my city it is even difficult to find anyone between 20 and 50, the streets are deserted. It is even difficult to see friends, since they have kids and don’t hardly socialise any more, sometimes it can six months or more until we both have time to visit. It takes years to get educated, pay off loans, and start to be capable to afford a home, then you are in your mid thirties and where are the women?. I even tried one of the large online dating site for 10 months, sent out over 9 messages to women, in my area with similar qualities, without a single reply ever. I came to the conclusion it was largely a money making scam, but in a city of 85,000 there were only about a dozen women between 24 and 40 who did not smoke, are not heavy drinking ‘party girls’, or have kids (I do want kids, but I do not want an ‘instant family’). With so few opportunities all I can do is keep working and try to get in better finical condition for when I can have relationship. The few women I have been able to meet over the past few years, ended up moving away or not returning calls after asking me to call, and that is just rude. Some of my friends said I should move to bigger city, but the cost of living would twice what is here and would not make more, and would be away from my family and friends, and have to live in noisy dirty city, without any piece or nature. With few opportunities to meet women, or even socialise, it is hard on a person. It is very frustrating.

Posted by: Ron | July 24, 2008 10:24 PM

Great show! I especially liked your 2nd last speaker, Bella from the States who totally put Sarah Hampson in place when she says the very perjorative 'when you are married, you get to share your life. When you've been single all your life, it gets harder to share it.', i.e singles are missing out on a major life experience because they have never been married/coupled. Bella was right on when she spoke about no, singles have a 'diversified relationship portfolio', have a whole network of people who are important to them. Ok, well that 1st phrase is pretty goofy, but still - I get the point - and I believe it! If you have expectations about being who you are, then it's hard when we don't live those expectations, but if instead you follow a path, whatever that might be (forethought or nought), then maybe you are happy in who you are and what you are doing. (Sarah had lots of good moments but that last part was really doh-headed.)

The 20 something's who had a child or were divorced? Ach lieber - they were appallingly naval gazing. Astute? Yes. Observant? Yes? Nevertheless, it really has little to do with your vision of what you should be, just what you are.

Finally, the last speaker, Viia was saying it like it is. Fraught with difficulty to have this kind of trusting intimate rapport but nevertheless accurate when you are not consumed by those white picket fence and green eyed jealous monster thingies.

Posted by: T in London | July 25, 2008 03:58 AM

Well said! I loved the show but wished it was longer! I'm 46, no kids and have always been single with no reason to change. I've lived and travelled overseas, moved wherever I wanted to and have had a great life. I've had several married women friends say they envy my lifestyle. I started calling myself "the divorcee whisperer" as I've been giving newly single women (divorced or seeking a divorce) support on their new fabulous lives!
I thought the show could have mentioned one thing tho- for a woman to be single, it's as if she wasn't chosen, for a man to be single, it's a life he supposedly chose. Big difference in social values.
Thanks so much for a great topic! I"m going to get the book!

Posted by: Louise | July 25, 2008 05:23 AM

The two things that struck me the most about Episode 5 - The New Single, is that there are just as many stereotypes about married people as there are about singles, and that such broad generalizations should not be made about single people or married people. For example, not all singles want to stay single, though some do. Not all singles can afford the 'fun and adventurous' lifestyle that singles supposedly have. My single friend has been wanting to buy a place of her own for a long time, but cannot afford it without a partner. Equally, not all married people depend on their spouse to meet all their needs, nor should they. Married people can still travel and fun with or without kids. I am married with a baby and found that single people often exclude me from things (such as going with them to see the Sex and the City movie) instead of vice versa. Needless to say there needs to be a lot more dialogue between singles and married people so that each has a more realistic and accurate view of the other.

Posted by: Sabrina | July 25, 2008 03:45 PM

Great show, right on target.
I love being single, have always loved it. When I was in my early 30's I married a man who was definitely not my dream partner. But one (of many) reasons I went ahead with the marriage was that I knew that if it failed, I would have a much easier time in society as a 40 something divorcee than as a 40 something Single. Of course I didn't really consciously acknowledge that to myself at the time, but I know that was in my head.

I am now divorced, and very happy, and really am not subjected to the same societal stigma of a Single.

A while back a group of friends had just spent a long time complaining about the various woes of their marriages/relationships. The conversation turned to a Single friend of ours. One member of the group commented that Friend was such a great person, it was so sad she hadn't yet found someone to share her life with. And the others all agreed. What??? So she could be miserable like the rest of them??

Great show, Thanks.

Posted by: Alice | July 26, 2008 07:15 AM

As a single woman in my mid-30's I have received endless comments about my inability to commit or grow up and how my life is incomplete because I don't have a family. My work, however, has been such that I've had to move repeatedly. In the last 15 years I have lived in 13 different cities, in five different countries. It's not easy to find someone who is okay with this lifestyle. But in the meantime I have enjoyed an incredibly fulfilling job, have traveled extensively, and have close friends all over North America and Europe. I have close relationships with friend's children and am an extended part of their family, sometimes being invited to stay for a month or longer. I am no sadder or lonelier than any of my married friends and I have a freedom that they don't. The single life is not for everyone, and I may well marry one day. But I resent the underlying assumption many people have that I am single because I am broken.

Posted by: Allison | July 26, 2008 03:54 PM

Thanks you for the show. It was as always very revealing. I think to make it complete, a show on married couples should be made. Especially on the divorce rate and its reasons. It seems like everyone is overloaded with misconceptions on what being a single or married is all about!!

Posted by: Lan | July 27, 2008 02:34 PM

Great show Josey, I listened attentively to you and your guests.
Throughout my adolescence, I had a dream of being married and raising a family in a nice house with the white picket fence, etc… I was first married at age 21 and divorced 9 years later. A second (common-law) relationship lasted 8 years. I am now 40, have been single for 2 years and love my life. Every once in a while I get the feeling that I should be looking for someone to “share my life with”, then I remind myself of the hardship have been through as well as the changes that a relationship brings; changes that I am not willing to make in my life at this time. I have a 16 year old daughter and 2 teenage step children that I spend time with and still have a positive influence on their lives. I would entertain the thought of a monogamous long term relationship, but that would not include text messages every hour nor co-habitation or starting a family.
I would like to ask a question to other singles out there in CBC internet-land: Is there such a thing as being single and independent, yet attached to an individual? A dance / dinner / traveling partner as an example? I do miss the companionship aspect of a relationship, but maybe I’ve become too selfish or protective (of myself) to “become one with another”.
Love the show,
Thanks
Robert

Posted by: Anonymous | July 28, 2008 05:58 PM

Great show Josey, I listened attentively to you and your guests.
Throughout my adolescence, I had a dream of being married and raising a family in a nice house with the white picket fence, etc… I was first married at age 21 and divorced 9 years later. A second (common-law) relationship lasted 8 years. I am now 40, have been single for 2 years and love my life. Every once in a while I get the feeling that I should be looking for someone to “share my life with”, then I remind myself of the hardship have been through as well as the changes that a relationship brings; changes that I am not willing to make in my life at this time. I have a 16 year old daughter and 2 teenage step children that I spend time with and still have a positive influence on their lives. I would entertain the thought of a monogamous long term relationship, but that would not include text messages every hour nor co-habitation or starting a family.
I would like to ask a question to other singles out there in CBC internet-land: Is there such a thing as being single and independent, yet attached to an individual? A dance / dinner / traveling partner as an example? I do miss the companionship aspect of a relationship, but maybe I’ve become too selfish or protective (of myself) to “become one with another”.
Love the show,
Thanks
Robert

Posted by: Robert | July 28, 2008 05:58 PM

I occasionally listen to the CBC, and today decided to. I didn't realize a show like this existed and I'll have to listen to it--sounds awesome! I'm 38 and I've been married for nearly five years. I realized after I got married that there was a stigma about being single, and I still don't get it. I love being single; I think of myself as being single now and if it weren't for family and church I would have just lived with my partner. This is to say, it mattered more to my mother and my minister that I walk down the aisle than it did to either of us. In fact, my partner and I put our wedding together in three months (when I had time), decorated the pub with poinsettia (because potted poinsettia is three dollars at Christmas, when we got married) and had our reception at that same pub (Hello!—no head table—Yea!). Looking back at how stressful it was to organise (and our wedding was simple simple simple) I wish I hadn’t done it. Because of the “entering into social institution crap” I don’t like the stigma of being married, I’d rather stay out of institutions. My partner doesn’t care either way, all that matters is that we’re together. What about people who just live together? Tisk tisk: no gander down the aisle? no throwing potted poinsettia over said bride’s head? then not really “married” ie. illegitimate union pooh pooh! Now that I am married, there is a stigma about not having children! Ugrrr! I don’t know if I want children—maybe I do? Maybe I don’t know? I’m sure I’m not the first person in history to be ambivalent about such a huge decision. But in my quickly gentrifying area, I see the grid lock of yuppy strollers; women who rub their engorged bellies like they’re laying the one and only golden egg, and they grimace at you. They grimace at you when you grimace at them because they have no control of their children in groceries stores, on the train or in quiet cafes which quickly turn into daycare chat centres for more engorged women. I’m beginning to wonder in this breeding trend is not more about conspicuous fecundity: Hey look everybody, I’m having sex, sex sex—lots of sex!! Wouldn’t you like to be having sex too?…oh, that’s right you’re sssssingle—no sex for you. Whoever said single = celibacy?

Posted by: Ursula | July 29, 2008 09:16 PM

It's great to read the comments left here and it's heart breaking at the same time. My heart goes out to Ron as I can totally relate. I was considered a "late starter" in the marriage arena. I use to get invitations by friends and family to "a dating circle for singles over 30". I would get the invite and throw it out promptly. It use to make me so angry. I married when I was 33 and have enjoyed it just as much as being single. If I had to do it again, with the irritation of planning a wedding--and ours was extremely simple ie. reception was at a pub--I wouldn't do it. Also, I feel like people have these weird social expectations of me. My partner feels the same. Because we didn't care either way, we just had the ceremony to please our family. My mother never married, and my partner's parents aren't together any longer, nor are they married. Marriage isn't for everyone. My heart also goes out to Allison who says "But I resent the underlying assumption many people have that I am single because I am broken" Unfortunately, this is an idiotic reality. Sometimes, I just want to move away from this city (Toronto) and live in the Bush and raise chia pets. That's all I have to say about that. I wonder If Vancouver will do?

Posted by: Ursula | July 30, 2008 02:50 AM

RE:New Single.
As a single male I am seen as being very odd, and since I've never been married, I'm even more peculiar. I can't remember how many times I've been asked if I'm gay because I'm not married. I've never wanted to be married, nor have I ever wanted children. Several relationships have ended because of the latter. But if you don't want something, then giving in may make you miserable.
Single, for me, is the norm. It fits my life and, like Viia said, I don't have to be home and have supper at certain time. I can play my music as loud as I like; I can watch rugby when it's on; or read until 1 AM. I'm not disturbing any other person. Single fits my life and I like it. If other people want to get married and have a hockey team of kids, that's their prerogative. Just don't whinge about it when you have no money and are exhausted all the time.
Terrific show. Cheers.

Posted by: J | July 30, 2008 03:24 PM