By WireTapPosted: Mar 31, 2015 10:28 AM ETLast Updated: Apr 03, 2015 1:10 PM ET
Are you more of a Howard? A Gregor? A Dina Goldstein? Take the WireTap personality quiz to find out!
[Select an answer for each question to find out the result]
[Artwork by Stephen Evans, James Braithwaite, and Tim Grant]
1. Your favourite room in the house is:
The trophy room
2. Your voice can best be described as:
Not unlike a subway car screeching to a halt.
Dial tone-like in its monotonous insistence.
A little yell-y.
3. Your favourite expression is:
What's the matter?
I've got an atomic bomb of good news.
That's my goat.
4. Your favourite meal is:
Souvlaki with a glass of bathtub wine.
Tepid oatmeal without milk or sugar.
5. Your best friend is:
An agent you're pretty sure might be trying to kill you.
6. Your idea of a perfect vacation is:
Soaking in a homemade sensory deprivation tank.
Staying home and writing in your journal.
In a locked public washroom.
Ten minutes on the moon.
7. What's your dream job?
Representing a non-failure and/or animal act.
Sharing your pensees with the world, season after season.
Receptionist for the hard of hearing.
8. If a friend leaves out his wallet you:
Store it some place safe until his or her return.
Trace their credit card signature onto a life-term contract for a new reality TV show.
Pounce on it like a mountain lion attacking its prey.
Purchase Stankie stocks.
You are:Gregor! You're ambitious and success-driven. You're always ahead of the curve with your innovative ideas, and are more likely to be found hobnobbing with celebrities than sitting around the house like a bump on a log. Sometimes you can be a bit of a bully, so take care not to steamroll those around you. Most memorable quote: There's nobody in Canada.
You are:Dina Goldstein! You're a practical, passionate soul, grounded in a love of family. You're a great cook and can always be counted on to whip up a brisket or boiled chicken. Constantly concerned that something might be the matter, your compassion for other's well-being knows no bounds. Most memorable quote: What would you wanna sit around on the moon for?!
You are:Howard! From bathtub vintner to beekeeper to ketchup sommelier, you're constantly redefining yourself. You're the 'rose-coloured glasses' and 'glass half full' type, seeing beauty in a lazy, rainy day and new wardrobe potential in the bottom of a dumpster. Always a kid at heart, you may want to learn to foster a little independence. Most memorable quote: I flushed your passport down the toilet... Again.
You are:Jonathan! As comfortable leaning over the sink eating melba toast as you are all the way across the kitchen leaning against the fridge sipping whisky. Versatile! You spend a lot of time down in the dumps, but lucky for you, you've got a great circle of friends to buoy your spirits. And, when they fail you, spirits to buoy your spirits. Most memorable quote: Monday.
You are:Buzz Goldstein! Unflappable, you're always up for whatever's coming around the bend. Whether dancing with your sweetheart at the end of the universe or soaking in a nice tub of saltwater, you face the world with a smile. Most memorable quote: The chicken is the womb.
You are:Josh! Whether floundering your way through a pole dancing class or accidentally joining a cult, you haven't quite found your groove yet but you aren't afraid to keep trying. Your best friend is a cat named Fluffles the Magnificent and you have more crazy-exes sewing you quilts out of their hair than you can keep track of. You need to get your life together. Most memorable quote: Chakratastic!