Sunday October 22, 2017
Sex-positive and shameful about fetish and pleasure
more stories from this episode
- Cancer, miscarriage and death: When is it OK to stop feeling bad about tragedy?
- When artistic pleasure is a moral minefield: Feeling bad about good art
- If reality TV gets too real, it might be time to give up your guilty pleasure
- Feeling guilty about your money and ability to spend it
- Sex-positive and shameful about fetish and pleasure
- A former vegan wonders if the taste of guilt is worth it
- Full Episode
"I think really the whole process of my sexuality has been unpacking shame," says Heather Elizabeth, who also works as a sexuality educator.
"I remember when I was first starting to explore sex with other people, I couldn't have an orgasm with a partner... That much vulnerability and that much 'out of controlness' was too much to bear."
"Sex for me has become a way that I actually work through and unpack a lot of my shame and the kinks help with that" - Heather Elizabeth
Heather says that women's sexuality is attacked in so many ways and that, for her, the first unpacking she had to do was around the idea that she deserves pleasure too.
To this day, Heather continues to work through the complicated feelings of pleasure and shame around sexuality, including with some of the kinks and fetishes she's into.
"Sex for me has become a way that I actually work through and unpack a lot of my shame and the kinks help with that because, when you have a partner who's gonna be comfortable and even turned on by the fact that you're uncomfortable, or even turned on by the fact that you're crying or embarrassed.., that creates a really strong space for you to explore all those emotions that you're not suppose to explore in sex."
Heather's most recent fetish is one she's still trying to understand.
"The current fetish I'm struggling with is that I've come to realize I have a foot fetish...And this one in particular is hard."
Heather says that she "always ha[s] to work through some level of guilt and shame about anything that turns [her] on…"
"I think controlling people's pleasure is a great way to control them. Right? So, if we can convince people to feel bad about the things that make them feel good, we can more easily put them in line and say, like, 'No, you don't get to have that sense of personal empowerment.'"