An awkward conversation between 2 brothers...
Last Updated: Thursday, February 18, 2010 | 4:53 AM ET
By Brandon Hicks, CBC Sports
'Bro! I have an amazing idea. How would you like to win a gold medal with me at the Olympics?' (Leon Neal/AFP/Getty Images)The scene: Brother No. 1 walks into the living room, holding a pamphlet and a grin the size of the Matterhorn. Brother No. 2 is sitting on the couch watching TV. Brother No. 1 grabs the remote and turns off the TV to get his sibling's attention….
Brother 1: Bro! I have an amazing idea. How would you like to win a gold medal with me at the Olympics?
Brother 2: Would I! That would be amazing! I'm in!
Brother 1: Fantastic! All you would have to do is let me sit on your lap and then I'll lean back on your chest.
Brother 2: …What?
Brother 1: Sit on your la—
Brother 2: I know what you said! Why in God's name would I want you to do that!?
Brother 1: So we can both sit together on a sled.
Brother 2: So we ca— what, is tobogganing part of the Olympics now??
Brother 1: No, no! We'll be going down a narrow track made of ice.
Brother 2:Huh?
Brother 1: It's going to have many twists and turns, so we'll need to be in complete sync. When I lean left, you'll lean left. When I lean right, you'll lean right. We'll be like one body on the sled.
Brother 2: I'm … so … confused.
Brother 1: We'll probably reach speeds of around 140 kilometres an hour, so we'll be so squished together it'll be like we're one body anyway. And we'll ne—
Brother 2: Wait, wait, wait! I have a question.
Brother 1:Shoot.
Brother 2: OK. We're going to be, you know, in, um, "close proximity" to one another.
Brother 1: Yes, that's correct.
Brother 2: I'm assuming we're going to be dressed in several layers of clothing to compensate. Right? …Right??
Brother 1: Nope. Spandex.
Brother 2: SPANDEX???
Brother 1: Spandex. Well, you probably couldn't even call it actual spandex, because it's such a thin material that it defies defin—
Brother 2: Why would any— never mind. We're wearing underwear, right? Please, for the love of God, tell me we're wearing underwear.
Brother 1: Nope. Not aerodynamic.
Brother 2: So we'll be sliding down an icy track—
Brother 1: At speeds of 140 kilometres an hour.
Brother 2: Yes, at 140 kilometres an hour, squishing us together so much that we might as well be the same person…
Brother 1: Correct.
Brother 2: …And the only thing separating, um, you from me, is a micrometres-thin layer of stretchy fabric.
Brother 1: Exactly! And we get to wear oversized helmets. I forgot to mention those.
Brother 2: This is possibly the worst selling job I have ever heard.
Brother 1: It's called luge doubles! It's an Olympic sport! Look it up.
Brother 2: We'll be the butt of jokes all over the world!
Brother 1: Well, the "butt" of jokes is relative, depending on who's on top of th—
Brother 2: Stop. Just stop. Why would anybody possibly want to compete in this sport?
Brother 1: Because we'll be national heroes if we win.
Brother 2: …Riiiiight.
Brother 1: And chicks dig gold medals.
Brother 2:…
Brother 1:…
Brother 2: [Sighs] When do we tell Mom?
Brother 1: We can surprise her with the news at Thanksgiving dinner.
Brother 2: I think I actually want to be on top.
Brother 1: Are you sure about that?
Brother 2: …No.
Congratulations to Austrian brothers Wolfgang and Andreas Linger, who won gold, siblings Andris and Juris Sics from Latvia with the silver, and Calgary brothers Chris and Mike Moffat, who finished seventh at the Vancouver Olympics' doubles luge competition on Wednesday!
