I have a confession to make. I love cake. I love chocolate cake, carrot
cake, strawberry shortcake. Basically, if the snack involves the word cake, I'm
I'll also admit to having fond memories of volunteering at our kid's
elementary school's annual Spring Fest and watching the excitement of the kids
participating in the Cake Walk. For you uninitiated, the Cake Walk involves kids
walking round and round a huge circle while music plays; when it stops whoever
is on the lucky number wins a cake donated by a parent.
Now we've learned that for the past five years the education department has
been trying to get the Cake Walk, and any other fundraisers involving cake and
other sweets banned, to be replaced by a more nutritionally healthy activity.
The department recently had to send out a reminder memo because apparently most
schools either didn't know about the ban, or simply chose to ignore it. (Our
kids' former school held its annual Spring Fest last weekend, and I'm told the
Cake Walk was as prominent and popular as ever).
Tackling child obesity is a laudable goal, but some may argue that its root
causes run far deeper than the school's annual spring fair or the odd bake
But if we are going to accept the education department's logic we may as
well go all the way.
Let's take it into the staff room and ban birthday and retirement cakes for
Speaking of retirement, maybe we should ban cakes from parties in
retirement homes. After all, if the kiddies see Grandma enjoying a slice of
chocolate cake it could lead to, well, a cake addiction.
Then there's Canada Day.
For the past decade Mayor Peter Kelly has spent
the better part of his Canada Day day slicing cakes from Enfield to Ecum Secum.
One can only imagine what goes through the children's mind when they see our
elected leaders passing out cake to anyone and everyone.
Let's blacken the windows of bakeries so the impressionable children don't
spend hours, their noses pressed up against the windows, staring at the
forbidden fruit. And of course, they'll have to start checking ID so no one
under the age of 18 is allowed in, and we'll need hefty fines for those who dare
to sell cake to minors.
Oh, and sorry Susie's Cupcakes, the cake part of your name will have to
go. I know Susie's Cups may be confusing, especially for athletes looking for
some protection, but I'm sure you'll find a way around it.
And let's not stop there.
History books will have to be censored so kids don't find out their
ancestors have been enjoying "des gateaux" for generations. When studying the
French Revolution, for example,
we can't have them reading Marie
Antoinette's supposed declaration to "let them eat cake."
We'll just change that to "let them eat carrot sticks."