Inside Politics

April Fooler Ed Fast celebrates 'sweet breakthrough on maple syrup agreement'

NOTE: While officially, we stand resolutely against otherwise trusted organizations indulging in such seasonal shenanigans, but... this is actually pretty funny, and unlikely to lead to disastrous consequences if it successfully, if momentarily takes someone in, so we'll allow it this time. Potential imitators and ante-uppers, however, should be mindful of the high threshold for granting such dispensations.  

Hot off the presses comes news of yet another Canadian trade triumph in the international food bazaar, courtesy of the office of International Trade Minister Ed Fast, in a release curiously absent from the departmental website: 

Canada Welcomes Sweet Breakthrough on Maple Syrup Agreement

Minister Fast applauds decision by WTO member countries to recognize Canadian maple syrup as natural life-sweetener

April 1, 2014 - Geneva, Switzerland

Ed Fast, Minister of International Trade, today applauded an agreement by members of the World Taffy Organization (WTO) to recognize Canadian maple syrup as essential to worldwide happiness.

The breakthrough comes after many years of sticky negotiations over the true value of Canadian maple syrup to overall global well-being.

On March 31, 2014, just before midnight Central European Time, a breakthrough was achieved, as the WTO voted unanimously to immediately designate Canadian maple syrup as a natural life-sweetener.

"This is one sweet deal for hard working Canadians and consumers in every region of the country," explained Fast. 

"Our grain growers will benefit as we expect pancake and French toast orders to go through the roof. The manufacturing sector has already seen a rise in new jobs in anticipation of an increased demand for waffle makers, while the forestry sector expects to tap the benefit of this agreement as more popsicle sticks are made to meet the increased demand for maple syrup taffy."

Meanwhile, discussions on beavertails continue, as negotiators gnaw away at issues which presently block consensus.

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