Your Interview

Hi Jen. Great website by the way! This is our first year of "back-to-school" as my twins are starting JK. This is the first year they are going to spend half of their day apart and I am really nervous. One of them is quite shy and very dependent on the other socially (which is part of the reason we decided to separate them).

Anyway, my question is - how can I best prepare the shy one for the transition to school and how do I equip him for success socially now that he is on his own?

Would love to hear your advice! Thanks, Jen.

Mom of Twins

Jen Maier: Hi and thanks for checking out urbanmoms.ca! Well, I don’t have twins but, luckily, some of our members do. When I asked a mom of 10-year-old twins what advice she would give, her number one tip was, “don’t forget, they may be twins but they are individuals. Try and deal with the child individually and deal with the twin factor when necessary.” In keeping with this, my advice would be to remember that every child develops at their own pace. My son was very shy and quiet in JK with only one or two friends that he rarely saw outside of school. My daughter, on the other hand, was very social.

Another member gives a slightly different perspective as a twin herself. Her advice is, “I'd encourage the mother to enforce the idea that being a twin is a unique and special experience. They need to be supportive of each other and they should NOT be allowed to make fun of the other one for differences socially.” She also reassures that she and her twin sister alternated as far as social extremes and reassures you not to worry — they'll find their own way.

My teen's body clock will be in for a major shock once school starts and he has to get up at 6:45 a.m. We wanted to get him up early in the last week before school to make for an easier transition, but it's been impossible with our work schedules. How long do you think it will take for a teen to adjust mentally and physically to the earlier hours after sleeping in late all summer?

Jen Maier: Hi June. Once again off to my expert members on this one! One of our members with two teens in her home advises to sit down with your son and ask HIM how he is going to manage his schedule. She suggests that by putting the responsibility directly on him he can’t blame you if things go wrong. It may take a few weeks but ultimately, she assures, he will get himself up.

I did a little bit of research and another important factor is making sure your son gets to bed at a decent hour. The Canadian Sleep Society recommends an additional hour for every 24 hours than in the preteen years. This means between 9 and 11 hours of sleep per night. The changes in your teen’s body and social life means that they will naturally not be tired until later meaning it is very difficult to rise in the morning for school. This makes it tougher to get to bed on time but also that much more important.

Personally, I had a tough time in the mornings in High School. So, when I had a spare I always took it in the morning so a few days a week I could sleep a bit late. My husband, on the other hand, tried to have an afternoon nap before extra curricular and homework kicked in.

Bottom line? Put the onus on him but give him the tools to make responsible decisions.

I am 16 and going into grade 11, i know people say that high school is supposed to be the best time ofyour life, but i always seem to get stressed out during school, especially at the start of a new year, do you have any advice on how I can minimize my stress for this year?

Jen Maier: Hey Spencer. First of all, whoever said high school was the best time of your life is either still in high school or is too old to remember the stress, insecurity, and pressure of those days! Seriously though, high school can be great in a lot of ways but it is also a time of massive changes. From the physical to the emotional and social, no other time in a person’s life is so hugely transitional. So, number 1? Give yourself a bit of a break and know that you are not the only one. As a matter of fact, www.kidshealth.org conducted a study and found out that 32% of teens experienced stress caused by schoolwork, 30% experienced social stresses, and 25% identified their appearance as a stress factor.

As far as reducing stress there are a few key things to focus on:
1) Get a good night’s sleep! (see June’s question above)
2) Don’t overdo it. Make sure you are not overscheduled between school, homework, extra curricular, and additional responsibilities.
3) Try and get organized early. Get yourself a daytimer or a PDA. Create a homework schedule and do your best to stick to it.
4) Finally, don’t sweat the small stuff! Make sure that your energy is focused on things that really matter.

Try to focus on the big picture because, believe me, you have a whole amazing life ahead of you after high school!

My six year-old daughter is an incredibly picky eater. Now that she's entering grade one, she'll be in school full days for the first time and will be eating her lunch at school. At home we have a routine around meal-time, and I'm worried that with the change in routine and without me there to encourage her, she won't eat, or that she'll toss out parts of her lunch (like the fruits, vegetables and meat!) Any tips on helping her make the transition to school lunches?

Jen Maier: Hi Samantha. I can totally relate! My daughter is very picky and it is often difficult to find a healthy, nutritious option for her. After tapping into to a few of our urbanmoms.ca experts, here are a few things to consider:

1) Make sure she gets everything that she needs at home. Two out of her 3 meals are with you so make sure she gets a variety of foods at both of these meals. You might even double up on the fruits and vegetables.

2) Be realistic. You are not going to make a picky eater be anything else so try and find things she will actually eat. Even if it is the same few items, don’t stress. She can always get variety at home.

3) Stick to the routine. Whatever aspects of the routine you can transfer to school, do it.

4) Talk to your daughter. Ask HER how she thinks she can deal with lunches at school.

5) Try not to sweat it. Between meals at home, weekends, and healthy snacks, the bulk of her nutrition is going to be good. Plus, if she gets hungry enough at school she’ll eat what you pack.

Otherwise, don’t sweat it! She’ll make up for it when she gets home.

Can you suggest a healthy quick snack to give children in school?

Jen Maier: Hi Danielle. Our expert moms at urbanmoms.ca have the following recommendations for school snacks:

1) Keep it real — try and send as many natural, whole foods as possible. Fruits such as apples and grapes or veggies like carrot sticks and mini cucumbers work well. Also, whole wheat bread, bagel, or crackers help to give them energy.

2) No nuts — peanut and nut allergies are a major issue in most schools so avoid any packaged product that does not claim to be nut free.

3) Avoid treats. Your child needs fuel for the day. Save the special treats for special occasions outside of school.

4) Check out the urbanmoms.ca Review Cool Products and Stuff section for some mom recommended snack suggestions.

Healthy-eating and waste-less lunches are a big thing this year. I heard of a few green lunch box products - thermapod, laptop lunches, reusable cloth bags...any suggestions on which lunchbox is a quality product?

Jen Maier: Great question! Our trend watch writer is all over this one. So check out her take on 3 great green lunch box options here.

Any tips to motivate ME? The lazy days of summer are over and I am dreading the routine, the homework, and the busy extra curricular schedule. What can I do to stay sane during the transition?

Jen Maier: I am right there with you, Lori! The kids and I have had a great summer and I am feeling a bit conflicted about getting back to the hustle and bustle of school. My advice would be similar to what I told Spencer about transitioning back to school. You may not be heading back to the classroom but a good night’s sleep, having a plan, and focusing on the bigger picture will help get you in the groove and ease the transition.

Another little tip I find very helpful is to use your email program’s calendar (and sink it with your PDA if you have one) and before school even starts, set up every activity you can think of in advance. A friend of mine even colour coded everything so she could know what was happening at a glance. Doing it now means you won’t be scrambling in the first week along with everything else. Good luck!

Back to school also means back to after-school activities. Do you have suggestions for parents on how to help their kids decide which activities to participate in? And, how to avoid overloading the kids or themselves with after-school activities.

Jen Maier: This is a good question, Michelle, but the answer is not exactly straightforward. When asked in a recent poll, the range of activities taken on by different families was huge and what was considered too much varied just as greatly.

There are a few things to consider:

1) What is your child interested in? Make sure to select activities you think he/she will enjoy. There is no point dragging them kicking and screaming. If they are active, choose something where they can burn off some steam. Are they also social? Team sports are a great option. Does he or she love to draw? Find a local art class. Also, most schools have after school programs that minimize the driving.

2) What are his or her friends doing? Building relationships is an important part of extra curricular. Try and find a pal your child can attend an activity with. This can help with the transition to a new activity and can also lesson the burden on you by offering carpooling opportunities.

3) Consider their age. Most kids as they get older will tell you what they want to do. Make sure that if your child chooses something with a significant commitment that they will a) stick to it and b) be able to cope, balancing homework and other priorities.

4) Don’t forget the rest of the family…including you! Some kids want to do everything but if you have more than one child this can be a logistical nightmare. Carpooling helps but don’t hesitate to draw the line if you think it is going to negatively impact one of your other children or stress you out.

5) Most importantly, have fun! For younger children just starting these activities make sure the activities are first and foremost FUN. There is plenty of time for your young one to get serious about something. In the beginning your main objective is to expose them to as many different types of activities to help them develop their interests.

This year I coached my 5-year-old daughter’s soccer team. There were about 3 kids who scored all of the goals. The rest of the kids either ran around or stood on the field or lost themselves in some imaginary world. My main objective was to make it fun enough that they would want to come back next week.

Many of us moms have the same problem with
trying to find healthy lunches.

Now with
lunch meat health scares!!!...

Our school offers a catering lunch option, but they don't like the taste or choices. Schools should offer surveys to parents in finding out what kids like and choose the healthiest of those options...

Also, I would like to ask if anyone knows of
a square shaped thermos type container.

The
only ones I seem to find are the round soup
type ??? We don't have microwave ovens at
school it would be nice to keep a quiche or
piece of pizza hot...any solutions ?

Jen Maier: Hi Anne-Marie. Check out the answers to some of the questions above and also, make sure to visit urbanmoms.ca’s Trend Watch for lunch box solutions of varying shapes and sizes:

http://www.urbanmoms.ca/trend_watch/2008/08/youve-got-the-b.html.

My son is starting grade 1 and going on the bus for the first time. Any advice on making it less scary?

Jen Maier: Hi Sarah. I received a few great tips from urbanmoms.ca members for preparing your child for the Big Bus.

1) Practice. If you can’t get on the school bus before the first day then try riding the bus in your city. Talk about the similarities and differences to the bus your son will be taking. Also, practice the routine. Use your couch as the bus and role play the experience from lining up to getting on and sitting down. Then, “ride” the bus all the way to school and talk about appropriate behaviour as well as what your child might be feeling.

2) Find a friend. If you can, meet a child before the first day and create a buddy. The two children can sit together and look out for each other. Any transition is easier when it is shared with a friend!

3) Be prepared. One mom said she was so prepared for her little one to be scared and cling to her that when she simply hopped on the bus with a wave she was shocked. So shocked that she turned to go home and burst into tears!

On the other hand one mom said her son talked about his ride on the bus non-stop but when the day actually came he was suddenly petrified. It took him a few weeks to feel confident riding the bus.

My teenagers just do not seem to want to pack a lunch for school. I refuse to give them money every day. We are headbutting on this issue and my husband says to just let them go without. I really don't want them to go the whole day without eating for a multitude of reasons. Any suggestions?

Jen Maier: This is a tough one, Joanne. Our members were a bit divided on this. Most of them agree with your husband — it is their responsibility and arguing with them is not going to change things. These moms suggested that you take your kids grocery shopping with you so that they can pick out lunch foods they will actually eat. All of these moms agreed that packing a lunch for them or giving them money every day are not good options.

A few other moms disagreed. One mom said her daughter started skipping lunch in the early stages of developing an eating disorder. She also pointed out, however, that her issues with food ran much deeper.

Unfortunately, this one is not a straightforward answer. You know your children best. However, all of these moms agreed that, at some point, your teens will have to take responsibility for themselves and high school is a great time to get them practicing!

are you one of those moms that wants to have a say in what classes your kids are in?
and with what friends? or do you just leave it up to the school to decide?

When shopping for back-to-school clothing, what are the essential items?

Jen Maier: Our Style File writer gives the following advice for back-to-school shopping essentials:

As the weather does not change that much until a few weeks into the school year, I recommend not rushing into purchases, as the kids are likely to want to see what their friends are wearing and what the trends are before deciding what they’d really like. You don’t want to go spending a ton of money only to find that they want something different.

One item you may have to purchase is footwear, as most schools request that students wear enclosed shoes rather than their summer sandals or crocs. Have the kids feet measured. Most shoe companies recommend purchasing at least half a size up on the child’s actual size. Try not to go bigger than that, or there’s a danger that the child will trip up.

Once you hit the shops — it’s best to get the pants, skirts and a jacket or hoodie first — the major pieces — then find a selection of T’s and tops that work with them. Happy shopping!