How to get your mate to respond to texts immediately
Win friends and influence people: craft the perfect text
Flannery Dean, CBC News
Posted: Oct 1, 2012 12:14 PM ET
Last Updated: Oct 1, 2012 12:13 PM ET
Hamilton experts have advice on how to craft the perfect text. (Matt Sayles/ Associated Press)
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More than 24 million Canadians possess mobile phones. And most aren't using them to talk, but rather to text or instant message friends and family, say service providers who are seeing a decrease in voice minutes and an uptick in texting and messaging.
As more people use text and instant messages to stay in contact with friends and loved ones, some are wondering how to maximize their messages, using communication-savvy techniques for getting a quick reply—often the desired result of the "instant" medium.
Jordan, 30, gets her husband to respond to her texts immediately by using a few tried-and-true tactics.
Tactic number one: she appeals to his curiosity.
"I use 'quick question,' 'need your thoughts' when I want to get a timely response from him," said the Hamilton-based PR manager, describing a few key phrases she relies on frequently.
If he doesn't text back quickly, she follows up with a "series of question marks and a hello???" she said.
But she's smart enough to know that she needs to temper her prompting with a handy emoticon.
"As cheesy as it may be, I always include a smiley face because I want him to know that I am not upset/angry, but rather just/need want to know," she added.
'Improve your text'
Some are capitalizing on greater interest in improving text technique, creating guides for people to learn how to craft the perfect text.
"3 Magic Texts You Can Send Your Boyfriend/Husband Tonight" is one such manual, easily found online by a quick Google search.
In the manual, author/self-styled text guru Michael Fiore offers a three-pronged approach aimed at women for getting men to answer their texts promptly. Fiore offers keywords and curiosity-piquing tactics for getting best results. The main thrust of his argument: instil a sense of wonder with your text and you'll get a fast reply.
It may seem a little silly, even a little manipulative to think twice before you text. But it's no sillier than thinking before you speak, says Dr. Alex Sévigny, associate professor of communications, and the director of Professional Communication Programs at McMaster University in Hamilton.
In fact, it may be just as worthwhile.
"Communicating in any form is an art and craft. And it can be improved in any way, whether it's public speaking or writing essays, or face-to-face, or texting," he said.
He also agrees with the idea that the most effective texts tease a person's curiosity.
"Texts are already very allusive," he said. "There's the old saying that 70 per cent of human communication is non-verbal. So, if we're leaving 70 per cent out when we're just using language, imagine how much we're leaving out when we're constraining language to 140 characters or whatever your text allows you to send--a few hundred characters."
The trick to piquing someone's interest through text then "is to allude to something and to whet the person's appetite."
'Text feels like verbal communication'
Text is a unique form of communication.
"Texting has the feel of verbal communication more than written communication or email," said Sévigny. It's informal and conversational, he adds.
This makes texting feel very intimate.
"When someone sends you a text it does feel like they're in the same room with you and they're asking a question to your face," said Sévigny.
That seeming proximity is also what creates a sense of urgency. The person getting the text may feel obligated to reply immediately, while the person who sent the text can also feel slighted if they don't get a quick reply.
That can be a recipe for anxiety, especially for the person waiting for a reply.
"It's as if you hailed someone across the room. As if you said to me 'Hey, Alex!' and I just kept on doing what I was doing," explained Sévigny.
Texting may have the feel of verbal communication, but it's missing a few essentials, including tone of voice and those non-verbal cues such as facial expression and body language.
To make up for that absence and therefore improve the communication, Sevigny said people should use emoticons or "discursive tags" when they text. Emoticons "nuance" what you want to say, said Sévigny, while cartoon-like phrases and keywords indicate state of mind and tone.
"Use little words that tag your text. Like if you're relieved, you say 'phew'. If you're really having a bad day and you need a quick answer say 'so stressed,'" explained Sévigny.
Do's and don'ts
Sévigny offers a word of warning to wannabe text masters, however. Cool it on the emotional reactions.
"Remember that whatever you do in a text, that emotion is going to be multiplied by five in the person's imagination," he said. "So, if you sound critical that person is going to think you just flamed them. If you sound needy, that person is going to think that you're insufferably needy meanwhile it could be that you're just a little lonely at that moment."
In short, it may be wiser to have a heart-to-heart face-to-face rather than via text.
There are also some bona fide texting no-nos, said Sévigny.
"Don't use words like 'please respond' or 'asap.' I think one of the greatest sins of digital communication is the word asap."
Another texting sin, said Sévigny: the impatient editorial comment.
"If you've been ignored, don't start editorializing if you'd been ignored, e.g. 'why aren't you answering me?'".
Text "may feel as instant and conversational as if you're right beside the person, but it's not," he added.
"Who knows maybe their phone is turned off or maybe they're busy. The technology gives people the option to delay their response. But we don't factor that in to our emotional reaction that we're not being responded to immediately."
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