HUMOUR

'Twas the night before election, 2015

Steve Patterson, comedian, host of CBC Radio's The Debaters and - who knew? - poet, offers an ode to the election campaign of 2015.

Comedian Steve Patterson, host of CBC Radio's The Debaters, offers this ode to the campaign

'Twas the night before election, two-thousand fifteen
And all we knew for sure was, it wouldn't be Green;
The polls were suggesting that Liberals were first,
But they were just guessing (those polls are the worst).

The voters were restless, they turned in their beds,
Except the 3 million of us who voted early instead.
The question was simple, do we want change or not?
Those who didn't like Harper didn't like him a LOT.

When out in the news there arose a fresh scandal!
Trudeau's co-campaign chair, would have to be handled;
He had offered assistance to those who would lobby
Perhaps proof that the Liberals were back to old hobbies?

Then Justin sat down with his old buddy Dan,
Who resigned at once, since he's a "good-bad-man."
But it did give hope to the old NDP,
Who said "this is just like old Liberal SOB's."

Now many are calling for a "strategic vote,"
Anything that makes Harper's chance more remote;
But voting for a party you don't truly support
Is like pretending you're tall when really you're short.

So who's going to win? Which leader will prevail?
And what about those other great campaign fails?
Like the cranky old man, whose Conservative wit
Was to call all reporters "lying pieces of…stuff"

And lest we forget, good old Jerry Bance,
The dishwasher repairman who couldn't keep it in his pants;
Though it wasn't a sex scandal that made him give up,
He "just urinated" in a client's coffee cup.

There were other bad gaffes on You Tube and such,
Which proved that nowadays, you can't hide much;
And if you lose face, with an unexpected jab,
You had better not conceal it with a niqab.

"So Stephen! And Justin! And less angry Tom!
And you too Elizabeth, yes you, come along!
It is finally time, after 11 long weeks,
We listened to you all, now it's OUR turn to speak!

While two parties battle on the left side for change,
One waits on the right and hopes things stay the same;
What side are you on? How will you explain?
By voting of course! Then you're allowed to complain.

About the Author

Steve Patterson

Satire

As host of CBC Radio One’s wildly successful show The Debaters, Steve Patterson has become a household name. He's an international headline stand-up comedian, and has performed on a number of Just For Laughs’ prestigious televised galas. Steve was Canada's Best Male Stand-Up in 2011.