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UPDATED - DimitriWatch: But do Jedi Knights support the mandatory census long form or not?

A rare Sunday afternoon dispatch from the prime minister's director of communications, posted in its entirety -- such as it is -- in hopes that someone with a knack for reading between the lines can explain to me just what the last recorded number of self-declared Jedi knights has to do with the unseemly curiosity that "the Ignatieff Liberals" harbour towards the bedroom activities of privacy-loving Canadians:

 
21,000 Canadians registered Jedi knight as a religion in the 2001 census.

Religion is asked every 10 years.

We made the 40-page long form voluntary because government should not threaten prosecution or jail time to force Canadians to divulge unnecessary private and personal information.

Canadians don't want the government at their doorstep at 10 o'clock at night while they may be doing something in their bedroom, like reading, because government wants to know how many bedrooms they have.


The Ignatieff Liberals promise to force all Canadians to answer personal and intrusive questions about their private lives under threat of jail, fine, or both.

Vingt et un mille Canadiens et Canadiennes ont déclaré, à la question portant sur leur religion, être des Jedi au Recensement de 2001.

La question de la religion est posée tous les dix ans.

Nous avons rendu le questionnaire détaillé de 40 pages facultatif parce que le gouvernement ne doit pas menacer de poursuivre ou d'emprisonner les Canadiens et Canadiennes afin qu'ils divulguent des renseignements confidentiels et personnels.

Les Canadiens et Canadiennes ne veulent pas que le gouvernement sonne à leur porte à 22 h pendant qu'ils sont occupés dans leur chambre à lire, par exemple, parce que celui-ci veut savoir combien de chambres leur maison compte.


Les Libéraux d'Ignatieff promettent de forcer tous les Canadiens à répondre à des questions indiscrètes concernant leur vie privée sous peine d'emprisonnement, d'amende ou d'une combinaison des deux.

Dimitri N. Soudas
Director/Directeur
Communications

PMO-CPM
(613) 992-xxxx

On a related note, now that Maxime Bernier has waded into the debate, the now seemingly inevitable committee meeting on the subject may be the surprise hit of the summer 2010 106(4) circuit. Bring it on!

UPDATE: The NDP research office, it seems, is similarly baffled: 

REALITY CHECK: Dimitri Soudas uses the Jedi defence

 

Dimitri Soudas created an instant internet classic with his line of defence on eliminating the Census long form:

 

"21,000 Canadians registered Jedi knight as a religion in the 2001 census.

Religion is asked every 10 years. We made the 40-page long form voluntary because government should not threaten prosecution or jail time to force Canadians to divulge unnecessary private and personal information. Canadians don't want the government at their doorstep at 10 o'clock at night while they may be doing something in their bedroom, like reading, because government wants to know how many bedrooms they have."

 

What do 21,000 Jedis have to do with the Long Form Census? Nothing. What does the long form census have to do with government officials showing up at 10 o'clock at night at Canadians' doors? Nothing. What does bedtime reading have to do with an accurate statistical portrait of our country's demographics? Nothing.

 

But there you have it: the spokesperson for the Prime Minister of Canada talking about Jedis.

 

The force is weak with these ones.

Tags: ... because he's maxime bernier, blackberry jungle, census (and whoever thought that would be a long-running tag?)