Dear Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,
Wow! Does that feel as weird to read as it did to type?
Probably not, given that you proved beyond all shadow of a doubt that you are indeed "ready" to be the prime minister of Canada. With a majority nonetheless! Not even the pollsters predicted that. And they are "correct," with just a very slight margin of error!
In all sincerity, heartiest congratulations to you, your entire team (except maybe that Gagnier guy, whose ethics appear better suited to the Conservative party) and your entire family. Your mom, wife and children are justifiably beaming with pride. And I'm pretty sure your dad is pirouetting somewhere.
Your campaign of positivity, youthful energy and, in some instances, wide-eyed naivete is clearly what this country needed. To have risen so rapidly through the political ranks and pull off a majority bordered on a miracle. What, were you born on December 25th or something?
Perhaps most importantly to me, you were born the same year as I was! I didn't expect someone from my generation to be the PM of Canada for at least a couple more elections.
So, on the one hand, thank you for inspiring us Gen Xers that anything is possible. And on the other hand — did you have to make me look so pathetically lazy by comparison? In fairness though, I'm sure my dad wasn't as disappointed to hear the news as Brian Mulroney, who almost certainly turned to his son and said, "Really Ben? E-TALK!?"
Since your victory, much has been said and written (by people who have never been and never will be prime minister) on what you will "have to do" in the days, months and YEARS ahead. Most of us are filled with hope that you will follow through on all your promises and that your "modest deficits" of billions of dollars will be offset by your promise to "immediately" legalize marijuana.
I offer you no advice on what you should do as prime minister. That would be like Stephen Harper giving advice on how to passably cover a Beatles song.
I simply vow to celebrate your win the most appropriately I can, given your platform: By smoking marijuana while wearing a niqab and asking for more money from wealthy Canadians.
In any case, enjoy your reign in "Trudeau: Part Deux" at 24 Sussex.
Before I leave you to your work, I will say one more thing though. It was a brilliant move you made during the last week of the campaign to simply ASK Canadians to grant you a majority.
I can't believe the others didn't think of that! If you ask a Canadian for help nicely enough, the odds are they will do it. Especially Atlantic Canadians. Which could be why you SWEPT that region. Bravo, monsieur! Of all the improbable things your campaign proved, this most basic one is my favourite: ask nicely and you shall receive.
You asked us for a majority Prime Minister Trudeau. Now you have received it. I really can't wait to see what you give us back.