The fake news media is at it again.

While the White House is trying to get on with important government business — such as taking health coverage away from sick people — the Democrats and the liberal media continue their bizarre obsession with Russia's supposed interference in the 2016 election.

That allegation is, as the president has said, total fake news — something dreamt up by the very unfair and biased people who work at the Federal Bureau of Investigation. They are the pathetic little antelopes of the animal kingdom, nibbling on dying blades of grass while ferocious Donald Trump — like a strong and virile buffalo — parades his prowess all over the land. Hear his roar. That is a leader. That is a man.

Poor losers

Everyone knows that Hillary Clinton lost the election very badly, but since the fake news media still can't accept that, they are taking every opportunity to publish untrue and incredibly cruel articles about Trump and his family. Maybe Crooked Hillary is paying them? I don't know for sure; I am just asking questions.

The most recent stories are about Donald Trump Jr. meeting with a Russian lawyer to get the dirt on Hillary Clinton. But that's a lie: they only met to talk about adoptions of Russian children, not to talk about the election. There's no one who cares more about orphaned children than Donald Trump.

OK, actually, they did talk about Hillary Clinton. But so what? Every campaign ever in existence has sought out opposition research. This is a nothingburger. Donald Jr.'s recently and hastily retained criminal defence lawyer can confirm that.  

And yet, the angry news media just can't let it go. It got so bad Tuesday that Donald Jr. took it upon himself to pre-emptively release the emails he exchanged with publicist Rob Goldstone, who arranged the meeting with Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya. (In the emails, Goldstone refers to a meeting with a "crown prosecutor," confirming Vladimir Putin as both a president and a king.)

In the exchange, Goldstone said that he had "very high-level and sensitive information" that is "part of Russia and its government's support for Mr. Trump." The president's son-in-law, Jared Kushner, who is now a senior adviser to the president, and Paul Manafort, who was Trump's campaign manager until his ties to Kyiv made the connection untenable, were cc'd on the email chain, meaning they were aware of this promise of information on Clinton from the Russian government. Donald Jr. responded to the suggestion of colluding with Russian officials with "I love it."

See? Total vindication!

If you are confused, well, then you are probably a very stupid person and possibly quite unattractive also. This is nothing. Fake news. Totally irrelevant. You want to talk serious stuff — remember that time Hillary Clinton had a cold?

In the spirit of Donald Trump Jr. and his devotion to transparency, I will pre-emptively release some photos of a stolen minivan sitting in my driveway — as well as a video montage of me breaking the car's window, hot-wiring the vehicle and then driving off to some sweet Burt Bacharach tunes — to prove I have absolutely never committed any form of theft.

As the president himself has said, Donald Jr. is a high-quality person bred from superior stock, and escorted to adulthood with the best Serbian child rearing that money can buy. Yet liberals would rather dwell on these innocent meetings held by an American patriot than this story about a bear that looks like it's doing a pole dance, demonstrating how our hyper-sexualized culture has managed to permeate even the animal kingdom. Thanks a lot, Planned Parenthood.

Donald Jr. is a loyal son, a formidable strategist and — dare I say — an American hero. And for some reason, the Russians seem to love him, too.

This column is part of CBC's Opinion section. For more information about this section, please read this editor's blog and our FAQ.