Adoption nightmare: Couple's plans in limbo as agency declares bankruptcy
- July 27, 2009 5:28 PM |
- By Your Voice
Submitted by Michelle Lévis
About: Years ago, we decided to adopt. It was the only way we could build a family. We have no children of our own and have always been open to adopting outside of our race and culture (we are both Francophones).
Our take: We began the adoption process in the fall of 2008. We researched domestic adoption and found out that the waiting period was more than 10 years. We weren't willing to do foster care.
We looked at all of the agencies and countries they had to offer. After extensive research, we decided to adopt a child from Ethiopia and later decided to go with Imagine Adoptions (KidsLink.) It was difficult when it came time to choose a country. I remember telling my husband that I wished I didn't have to choose and that they could give me whichever child needed a home.
Unfortunately, that is not how international adoption works in Canada.
We chose our agency because of its great reputation. We never expected that seven months later, on July 13, they would declare bankruptcy and leave all of us — children and parents — stranded.
There were never any signs that something was wrong. I found out on the afternoon of July 13 and nothing has been right since.
Our daughter's mother would have been pregnant anytime from April to October. We guess that she might have given birth anytime between February to July 2010. We hoped to have met her sometime before Christmas 2010. Her name would have been Pénélope, a French name would have been accompanied by her Ethiopian name out of respect for her birth mother.
We planned and saved every penny just to build a family, but all hope seems to be lost. We just want our daughter home.
We are stranded, lost.
I wish someone could help us.
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Comments (33)
There are a lot of children right here in Canada that are in need of parents. What I cannot understand, is why any prospective parent would go beyond our borders to adopt a child when their needs can be met right here at home.
Yes, the children from around the world need our support, but shouldn’t we be looking after the children we already have in Canada that need parents?
Get the best of both worlds, donate 20K +, you’d spent to adopt a child from another country to the Children of the world, and choose a child from Canada that is looking for a parent.
Sorry, maybe this about your image and a need to be another Madonna!!
I find negative and uninformed comments very hurtfull. I'm sticking my neck our here and I'm just looking for some help.
What you don't realise is that domestic adoption costs the same and that there are not many children to be adopted here.
Like everyone else, I just want a family to come home to and a child to love and cherrish.
I am shocked by Morris' comments.
This family has opened up and explained their struggles at adopting within Canadian borders. It is unimaginable to ask parents to wait ten years for a child. Usually they are suitable parents with disposable income, which means they are usually 30ish. To ask a family to put all life on hold until 40 or older, is crazy.
I think this also highlights the issues in Canadian adoptions. This needs to be looked at.
As well, these families need to either get their money back or complete their families.
While I feel for the postion your family finds itself in, I have to wnder what you mean when you say you did "extensive research" and that IA had a "great reputation". IA had only been in existance for less than a year at the time you began your journey, and the signs were there to see, if you were really looking. But, they had a shorter wait time. Which I believe is why many families chose to use them.
Some westerners forget that adoption is about finding families for orphaned children. Not about finding kids, quickly, for people looking for a child.
Please, please, please do your homework on the difficulty and often impossibility of domestic adoption before you verify your own ignorance in commenting on the motives of potential adoptive parents who pursue an international adoption.
If you made even a glancing search of the internet forums devoted to adoption in this country you would understand why international adoption has nothing to do with celebrity and everything to do with building a family when other avenues have been exhausted.
Try adopting a native child without a tribe affiliation. Try adopting transracially with CAS. Try adopting out of birth order or adopting an infant. There are success stories, that should be said, and for those who feel they can parent children who arrive with significant if not debilitating delays and the accompanying issues of continued contact with parents from whom these children have been removed, well, then yes we can adopt one of these thousands of waiting children in Canada, many of whom are not really legally free for adoption.
The comments to this story are nearly as embarrassing to Canada as the financial fiasco caused by the unscrupulous owners. By the way, I am not an adoptive parent, ust an informed citizen, apparently an endangered species.
if we want to be Angolie we would go out and get boob jobs! Do not compare us to multi million dollar celebraties! It is degrading. And do not put down what CHOICES we have made.
Read her story again!!!!
IT TAKES OVER 10 YEARS TO ADOPT IN CANADA!!! Do you know why? Most families want the "perfect" white family. And that is their choice!!! But we all just want a family no matter what country or skin color! And we have the right to want it in 2 years instead of 10 years.
Are you Canadian? If so, then remember the rights we have. Freedom of choice!
Ignorant!
Morris, we too are caught in this nightmare. Please don't compare this couple to Madonna or any other celebrity. International adoptions have been going on for decades, it's not anything new.
We did look into adopting domestically through CAS only to be told they would match children based on ethnicity and religion. And we would have to wait months before we could even begin our homestudy. Being an inter faith couple basically eliminated us from any possible match.
Since you feel compelled to question this couple on how they make their family, tell us, how many children have YOU adopted domestically? Have you even tried or looked into it? What makes one child more deserving of another? Please reserve your judgement until you've walked in our shoes.
Maeza's mom:
I guess it easy to be hatefull and vindictive when you have your own child in your arms.
This is the last ridiculous comment that I hope to hear.
You are not well informed and don't understand our reality in Ontario.
Morris,
I am assuming you have donated 20 grand to Ethiopia or another place of need...even your own local charity? You have also adopted a child here in Canada? Or did you choose to renovate your kitchen?
Why do adoptive families have to justify there choices? Is it selfish to bring one of these beautifull children home, provide for them and allow them to live in our beautiful country with all its opportunities.
Must we always turn a blind I to what is happening elsewhere in the world?
Re: Morris
I don't see a difference between an Ethiopian child and a Canadian child. They are both JUST CHILDREN. If two children were sitting in front of you, one a sick, malnourished Ethiopian child living in the streets, and a Canadian child living with an approved foster family, which one would you help???
Have you looked at the statistics? Indeed, there are children in Canada who need and deserve caring families. They are currently living in foster care. I don't see 6 million orphans in Canada, living in overflowing orphanages. And one last thing, maybe you should adopt from Canada yourself. Otherwise, please keep your uneducated, ignorant comments to yourself.
I truly hope that a government representative or one of our elected officials could take a couple of minutes and put themselves in the shoes of this couple. It is sad to see how the system favors maintaining faulty CAS system that often leads to extreme abuse for the children, instead of allowing real families adopt a young person in need.
I will be following up this post with a letter to my local MP and MPP hopefully they can make things happen and work in fixing the problem.
Morris, sometimes life isn’t quite as simple as you might like to think it is. Yes, there are many children in Canada in need of a loving family but that doesn’t necessarily mean that Canadian adoption is the best choice for everyone.
The prospect of waiting 10 years to begin your family won’t work for many people who are already over 30 or those who want siblings for a young child already in the home. Domestic adoption is difficult and uncertain. Children can come into your family and then be taken out.
Some children are simply not available for adoption. Many children who are available for adoption are considered ‘special needs’. Bringing a child into your home that has life experiences that have lead to psychological and emotional difficulties can be very risky, particularly if you already have young children in your family.
In Ontario, adoptive parents are required to take training so that the risks of adoption are understood. Everyone who chooses to adopt has done so after very careful consideration and counseling with his or her adoption practitioner.
In addition, your suggestion to give 20K to support children abroad does not take into account the fact that there are countries with millions of orphans and not enough adults to care for them. Money can’t replace a loving family. It’s sad that your heart for children cannot reach beyond a line drawn on a map.
Those who can parent a child, no matter where they are from, do not deserve to be insulted by having others assume their motives are less than wanting to love a child who needs a family.
What I don't understand is why people who are completly uneducated and so the obvious conclusion is that they have never tried to adopt, have such a strong opinion about adopting within Canada. Why do you assume that adoping in Canada is FREE? Some term international adoption as "Buying babies".
Canadian adoption is most often NOT FREE and can cost up to $20 000.00(unless you adopt from CAS which is great too but not always viable).
Also, why do we value the lives of one child over another? Why do we feel the need to adopt from within Canada when we one child's life is NOT more valuable or worth it than another child's. I understand that charity may "start at home" attitude. But adoption IS NOT CHARITY. It is about building a family in whatever way that can happen.
I beg people to open their hearts and minds and do a LITTLE research before expressing their opinions. You have no idea what effect you are having!
Who is anyone to pass judgement on a young couple willing to open up their hearts and home to a needy child?
How can anyone be so callous as to criticize this couple for wanting to adopt a child from another country, and even go so far as to suggest their motive was image! Wow...I'm shockingly amazed that anyone would put in print such a ridiculous, ignorant and hurtful comment.
What this world needs are more people like this young couple, whose acts of selflessness and caring motivate others to reflect on how they can also positively impact others.
My heart goes out to you both. Stay strong and know that the silent majority wish you the best.
Morris -
The fact of the matter is that there are NOT, in fact, many children here in Canada who are in need of parents.
Where children ARE available, they often come with disabilities that are very difficult for any parent to cope with. While one does hear of the occasional success story re: domestic adoption, it simply is the minority of cases that work out this way.
International adoption is not about being like Madonna or Angelina Jolie in any way other than one: adoptive parents, like Madonna and Angelina, would like to parent children. Adoptive parents often go through a long and difficult road leading up to the decision to adopt, which is then compounded by the invasiveness of the adoption process itself and the length of wait until they can hold their longed-for children in their arms.
The journey for many people is one of abject despair and hopelessness. Please, please, try to be more sensitive to those trying to start or complete their families through internatinoal adoption - at least wait until you've walked a mile in their shoes.
My thoughts and heart are with you in this incredibly difficult time. I am shocked at the posters who judge your decision without the knowledge of how difficult this adoption journey can be.
I hope this terrible situation will resolve itself so that those families so deeply involved in the process will not find themselves left behind. I hope that the government will find a way to make this situation right for all of the amazing and truly openhearted families to bring these children home.
I agree with a previous poster, love for a child should not be constrained by lines on a map.
Hey Morris....please do your research before posting messages so you don't look so silly, I also was a client of this adoption agency.
I am sure WE all have looked into adoption from Canada...have YOU ever looked into it? if not check it out you just may be surprised it is easier and faster to adopt internationally....so you should complain to our gouvernment and not us people trying to build a family.
Your comments are uninformed and judgemental. We who want to adopt no matter what colour deserve to keep our heads up with pride.
I am one of the many families affected by this horrible experience, and I have been trying to stay quiet to all the ridiculous comments that have been posted. I'm guessing that people who are posting comments about Canadian adoptions have been there and completed a canadian adoption??? I didn't think so.
Just last week I was told that it would be near impossible to complete a successful canadian adoption and if we were successful it would take almost 10 years.
I ask you, are you willing to wait 10 yrs to start your family? Oh, wait you are probably one of the people who already have a family and didn't have to wait or even consider what we have had to accept as our every day life. and as for researching the agency, we did research the agency and although the agency was new it was a highly recommended agency in Ontario and only one of TWO agencies in Canada we had to choose from.
When going through this process you are highly emotional and highly trusting of others, did we learn a lesson, of course, would we do it again, of course we would look at finances next time but honestly, if you have ever been in a position of starting a family in a different way you are not thinking the an agency that the government has approved and reviewed would ever be financial ruin and that they would be in a position of going bankrupt.
In life you have to learn to trust people and unfortunately we were caught trusting the wrong people. Do you not think we feel horrible about our decision? of course we do, but do we still want our children? More than ever.
There was also a comment on choosing Kids link because the wait time was shorter, to you, again I ask, how long did you have to wait to start your family? Many of us have already been dealing with this for years and years and years before an adoption begins so excuse me for wanting to start my family in this lifetime and while i'm still at an age to be able to be there for my child as he grows up.
I ask you all to just think before you comment, and if you have been in our shoes and have life experiences to back up your comments great we will listen, but those of you who feel you just know everything about everything, we are hurting enough, please remember the children that are suffering and keep your comments to yourself.
Michelle, please don't let the negativity get you down. You are trying to do a wonderful thing by bringing a little girl into your family and providing her with a future she wouldn't otherwise have.
It's very easy for people to point the finger and criticize your decision from behind their keyboards, but you and your husband are the ones laying it all out on the line. If more people opened their hearts and homes in the same way, the world would be a much better place.
I'm devastated for you and all the potential parents and children affected by this agency's actions. I sincerely hope that this is a small bump in the road on your journey to start a family. All the best.
Re: Morris
I don't see a difference between an Ethiopian child and a Canadian child. They are both JUST CHILDREN. If two children were sitting in front of you, one a sick, malnourished Ethiopian child living in the streets, and a Canadian child living with an approved foster family, which one would you help???
Have you looked at the statistics? Indeed, there are children in Canada who need and deserve caring families. They are currently living in foster care. I don't see 6 million orphans in Canada, living in overflowing orphanages. And one last thing, maybe you should adopt from Canada yourself. Otherwise, please keep your uneducated, ignorant comments to yourself.
When I think of couples that have adopted or are trying to adopt, the words that come to mind are courage, patience, determination, selflessness, generosity and loving kindness -all of the qualities that make a great parent.
I have no doubt that Pénélope will eventually be part of your family, and when she joins you, she will have found her perfect home.
Best wishes to you and everyone in your situation.
We do live in Canada don't we Morris? Do we not have the right to make the choices we choose to make? What’s it to you if someone adopts from Canada or outside of Canada? Will it affect your life? They had a dream, they went after it; who are you to put them down on their wants in life!!
You clearly need some education in regards to those poor children from certain countries that have no chance in life. However, I could give you a quick informational session if you'd like? I could simply give you numerous facts of how they live and see what you'd have to say afterwards! ALL THE POWER to this young couple and do NOT give up.
You have a dream, and no one can come in the way of that. Keep fighting for what you want and believe!! I wish you all the best and feel deeply for you both.
Adopting "Made in Canada" or internationally is irrelevant here. It takes courage, patience and a big heart to adopt, period. I truly believe the governement will see this thing through for the sake of the children and the pride of our great country.
I remembering hearing the news break that Imagine Adoption had filed for bankruptcy and I remember how stunned I was to learn that an international adoption agency could go bankrupt. I was even more shocked at the Canadian Government lack of initiative in rescuing the families left dangling in uncertainty.
First of all, I have been to 5 orphanages through volunteer/missions work in Central America and Africa and would just like to take a moment and sincerely thank any and everyone who is and will be pursuing adoptions both domestic and abroad.
Fundamentally, children ARE children and for those people who are able to open their home up to an orphan, thank you.
Secondly, as a woman myself I can only imagine the difficult decisions that surround parenthood and for those who pursue adoption as their option I would strongly implore others to refrain from criticism. I have always believed that adoption requires a very special family.
Meaning unlike a majority of people starting young family's when you adopt everything is deliberate, planned and waited for. To an extent that a couple's dream of having a child has been subjected to a couple of years of planning and paperwork through adoption agencies.
And as for those commenting about domestic and international, I beg your pardon, but it is NONE of your business. Since when do other Canadians get to tell anyone how many kids or with whom they shall have them with. Family decisions belong ONLY to those members of the family. So if you find yourself ready to shot gun other people's choices about family, bite your tongue.
Michelle,
As the parents of two internationally adopted daughters, our hearts go out to you. If this was 10 years ago, we could have been where you are right now, but we were luckier (not smarter or more careful; just luckier), our agency was well organized and honest, and things worked out for us (twice!).
I recall people warning us back in the late 90's and asking "how do you know these guys won't just take your money and run?" and we would answer "we don't, just like biological parents don't know if their child is going to have a terrible congenital disease and require months of expensive treatments before it dies an agonizing death: being a parent means stepping into the unknown" and they would say, "but this is different".
And that's the point. Many of the naysayers can frame their arguments any way they like but, ultimately, the issue is that they don't see adoptive families as equal to nonadoptive families. Would they demand that nonadoptive families not be allowed to have biological children until there were no more children available for adoption in Canada? Of course not, they would say, that's different.
Would they demand that nonadoptive parents be warned that other adults they've never met may someday desire regular access to their children simply by virtue of their wanting to co-parent and that, if this happens, they'd better just suck it up and accept it because that's the only they're going to be allowed to have a family? Of course not, they would say, that's different.
These are the same people who think that the problem with adoption isn't all the roadblocks put in place (not to make adoptions safer and better organized, of course, but simply because more people and agencies want a cut of the lucre available from desperate people who can always afford a little more if really want a child).
They see the problem as one in which adoptions aren't made difficult enough. Put more roadblocks in place! Make more demands upon these parents! Set more conditions! Make them wait longer!
Anyway, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you to just ignore the responses by people like Morris and Maeza's Mom. I know you guys have been through the wringer already, probably for years now, and you're tougher and stronger than some of these posters will ever be. That means you'll be better parents too!
Good luck!
I am a firm believer in 'Canada comes first', but within reason. When I buy something at the store, I try to go with Canadian products but it isn't always possible.
I have heard the same problems about Canadian adoptions from other couples as well. So I can understand why couples look into the international scene.
Raising a chid is a 20 year or more undertaking, so if you start in your 40s', you are commited until your late sixties.
I think it a brave thing to adopt, so I hope things work out for you both.
I cannot believe the ignorant people responding to this article - we tried to adopt from Canada for 3 years before switching to Ethiopia - as a bi-racial couple, we were told that adopting an infant would be a wait of 5 years or more!
Hailing from Africa - Ethiopia was a natural choice - not a choice based on celebrity. WE like ALL of the families trusted that the system would work for us - if the Ministry licensed this agency, which it did and there were NO SIGNS that anything was wrong - than why should I and the others be penalized now?
Educate yourselves on adoption and what it really means before you point your ignorant finger at us please!
My husband and I live next door to Bruce and Michelle. I can tell you with certainty that they are not choosing to adopt internationally because the want to emulate others who live in the spotlight.
Rather, they are choosing to adopt internationally because it is the best option available to them given their circumstances. Because they desperately want to share their love with, and teach their common values to, a child of their own. Because they deserve the opportunity to parent a child even if it cannot be biologically theirs.
This situation has devastated them. A couple, who just a few weeks ago were brimming with hope and eagerness to bring a child home within the year, is loosing hope that they will be afforded the priviledge to raise a child.
They are losing confidence that our government will be able to assist them. They are dissapointed with the snails pace at which the resolution process is progressing. They are frustrated with insensitive comments from others (I can only pray I've not been insensitive in my ignorance.
If I have, my biggest apologies to you both). They are floored that other feel they have the right to judge them and their choices. They are shocked at the lack of support from other parents who just can't seem to understand. They are confused about the road to take forward.
Michelle and Bruce, I hope you know that Brad and I will do what we can to support you. Just tell us what you need and we're in.
As for the rest of you reading this post, whether you know someone affected personally or not, write a note to your members of parliament and tell them that these 500 or so families have earned the priviledge to become a parent.
Demand that our governement continues to work tirelessly until every family currently in the process of adopting from Imagine Adoptions has a child to call their own. Be heard.
Brad and Natalie
Michelle,
As I am sure you would be a good mother, as I am sure you invested a lot of yourself in the process, as I am sure you were guided by noble intentions, and that you candidly put your confidence in what seems an ill administered or unscrupulous company, as we probably would have if we had been in your situation, l can only give you my best of sympathies and encouragement.
Although I am unfamiliar with the adoption process, the fact that such a company can go bankrupt and leave people as yourself economically and emotionally stranded, raises the question about government regulation regarding these types of enterprises.
Finally, I fail to understand the negative and righteous tone of some of the comments you received. What makes them all-knowing experts on the subject ? Who are they to judge of one's choices, decisions or situation?
I wish you the best of luck !
Frederic
To Morris and Maeza's Mom:
You have no idea what you are talking about. I am the parent of a child adopted from Ecuador 2 years ago through this agency. I began my adoption proces with the St Anne Adoption Centre in 2005, which was taken over by KidsLink when St. Anne's founders retired in 2006.
The costs I incurred were legitmate expenses related to consultations with, and reports from, lawyers, doctors, psychologists, police reference checks, certified translation services, etc...
Furthermore, many parents who ultimately adopt oveseas do so only after failed attempts to adopt domestically, as in my case, and subsequent to devastating infertility issues.
The Toronto CAS, for example, placed less than 100 children for adoption last year, despite the thousands that are in care. Many children who are in the care of Children's Aid Societies are not legally available for adoption. They do not become legally available, at least in Ontario, until they have been declared Crown Wards with no access (this means no access to the kids by birth family).
This is a lengthy process and often leads to kids being shuffled around the system for years. Many of these kids also suffer from severe physical, emotional and developmental delays caused by their abuse and neglect. They are special-needs kids who will need alot of extra attention, and not everyone is suited to parenting these children.
Get the facts before posting hurtful and insulting comments on a topic about which you know nothing. Maeza's Mom, how would you feel if I asked you, for example, why you would saddle your child with such a ridiculous name that is sure to lead to her (or him?) being called Mazola in the school yard? Are you insulted?
Have I just criticized a name that is perhaps traditional from your culture? How insensitive of me. Morris, have you donated $20K to your local CAS to support Canadian children who are stuck in the system because their disfunctional birth families cannot care for them but refuse to relinquish parental rights so they can be adopted? Have you volunteered to be a Big Brother or to help out at your local Boys and Girls Club? How about sponsoring a child in a developing country through Foster Parents' Plan? I highly doubt it.
Get the facts before you post such hurtful and insulting comments.
Morris, Oh how unifomred and researched you are. My wife and I are also one of the families caught up in Imagine Adoption.
If you ever met me you would know that being trendy is not really my style. We did adopt a baby girl...yes right here in Alberta! we waited nearly two years and we were very fortunate, we know many people that have been waiting for many more years.
I could really get into this with you but that is not helpful to our situation or especially the situation of the children.
It is interesting to see the different level of debate that has occurred since the bankruptcy of this adoption agency. As upsetting as it has been for a lot of people who are already in a state of shock and disappointment due to the bankruptcy, it has been an occasion to discuss a lot of the issues that surround adoption both domestic and international.
Before I adopted my daughter, I encountered some of the more negative comments from some people I expected to be more supportive and some incredibly positive comments from others I didn't expect to be as supportive.
I have 2 stories to share that might help those who have a hard time seeing adoption, indeed international adoption, as a worthwhile endeavour.
First, I have a muslim friend who was incredibly supportive. She is a very traditional muslim, wears the hijab, etc. I knew that the muslim faith does not allow adoption..I thought she might have a negative opinion about my plan so I resisted discussing it with her for fear that she would reject it. Well, was I ever wrong. In fact, she made a point of visiting just as soon as she could after I first brought my daughter home. She told me that in her country, adoption is unofficial which can lead to a whole lot of abusive situations.
Unfortunately, in every culture, some children, through no fault of their own are denied a family. This isn't right. Every child deserves a family. She told me that she also intends to adopt as she can recognize the need. And yes, I am calling it a need. Children NEED families. Adults NEED to take care of children. Not all adults mind you, but mature, responsible ones do.
My second story speaks to why children need families, in case it isn't evident enough. At my daughter's orphanage, not all children will be adopted. One such child had grown up inside the orphanage and could no longer live there once he turned 16. Sadly, he had to leave. Several years later, every time he has a bad day, he gets drunk and goes back to the orphanage. He has no other support available to him. His home was the orphanage.
It breaks my heart to think that this will also be the fate of several other children every year who turn 16. A time of great joy for us, one of terror for them.
I agree that there should be no orphanages. But there are and there are children in those orphanages. I wish my daughter was able to stay in her country and live with family that share her heritage, but I am also mindful that it would deny me of this gorgeous brilliant child as my own.
A rose is a rose and so is my child. Adoption is not for everyone, but it was and continues to be the most perfect fit for me.
Continue michelle... lâche pas. tu es une mère en attente..et j'ai confiance et espoir que tu recevras ton enfant plus tôt que plus tard.