One way or another, Stephen Colbert will be part of Windsor’s downtown Santa Claus parade Saturday.
Colbert himself may not participate but at the very least, a giant papier mâché replica of the U.S. comedian's head will appear in the parade.
In his most recent book, America Again: Re-becoming the Greatness We Never Weren't, Colbert wonders in a footnote if Windsor is the earth’s rectum.
Colbert then continued his attack on Windsor on his show, The Colbert Report.
Downtown Windsor Business Association chair Larry Horwitz has been trying to lure Colbert to Windsor ever since. Horwitz wants him to be grand marshal of Saturday’s parade and he’s not giving up.
"We still have the possibility of having him here. We’re excited about showing him the city. It’s an amazing place. It’s not the Earth’s rectum," Horwitz said. "We’re wining and dining him. We’re doing what it takes. "
Horwitz put together a local gift package and sent it to Colbert. The package included sauce from the Tunnel BBQ; a t-shirt, candy from Walkers Candies; and a jar of moose droppings, a uniquely named chocolate treat."
In a last-ditch effort, Horwitz and videographer Marshall Sfalcin, who claims to be a "geo-proctologist," produced a five-minute YouTube video aimed at convincing Colbert to come to Windsor.
Horwitz said he gave Colbert an ultimatum. Colbert has until Thursday afternoon to RSVP to the invitation to the parade, otherwise, the BIA will move forward with Plan B.
"We have a backup plan that will make him look like a chicken. It will be revealed Thursday afternoon. Be ready," Horwitz warned. "We found a replacement that’s bigger and better."
And it’s not the papier mâché head, Horwitz said.