Valentine's Day not for choosy kids: In many schools, it's cards for all or nobody
Teachers and parents don't want kids to feel jealous, but all-or-none policy has problems
Her sons won't have to be selective as to who receives their love arrows. There will be one for each of the children in her sons' classes, to avoid anybody getting left out. The practice of crafting these treats is something Westwood says she and her children greatly enjoy.
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Valentine's Day customs at schools have changed over the years. The once open gift exchange that caused many children to feel slighted has largely been phased out, at least among younger grades. Many schools in Canada have instituted policies requiring kids and their parents to either bring cards for the entire class, or none at all.
"I think schools have rightly recognized that Valentine's is a very risky occasion if you're just sort of letting it be a free-for-all," said Dr. Eleanor Mackey, a child psychologist with Children's National Health System. "Then whoever gets the most valentines is seen to be the most important or the most well liked, where that might be very hurtful to some kids."
Choosing everyone as a Valentine
"I think it's a good policy," said Westwood. "I'm not keen on having someone, for the day, feel left out because they didn't get as many cards as somebody else."
But for some parents, the policy is not without its downsides and can lead to some tense situations with children.
Toronto blogger Emma Waverman said teaching her three kids why they should give cards to everyone of their classmates was difficult.
I don't think adults are in the position to tell them (children) they have to love everbody.- Emma Waverman , blogger
"They (children) always want to leave one kid out and you have to explain why they need to make sure every child has one — which I do support. But, it's always a long conversation."
Waverman added though she likes the policy, she takes issue with some of the forced feeling children go through on the day of love.
"I don't like the idea of telling children how to feel and I think that — Valentine's Day — its emphasis on love can sometimes be confusing to kids," she said. "I don't think adults are in the position to tell them they have to love everybody. They do not have to love everybody. They have their friends and they know who their friends are."
Mackey said it can be hard for children to understand different kinds of love, but making it clear Valentine's can be about other types of relationships is helpful.
"Love isn't equal in the world. We all love different people differently and that's okay, and acceptable and so I think that can get tricky for kids to understand," she said. "But I think that as long as it's (Valentine's cards) portrayed more of a friendship or caring type of thing rather than love love, then I think that helps."
Loving candy more than love
Despite some of the difficulties associated with Valentine's Day in schools, parents and teachers have continued to carry on the tradition for their children.
Mackey said nobody really wants to be the one to take the fun of the holiday away from kids.
"I think that it's really hard for any parent or any teacher to be the sort of scrooge who is like, 'no, you can't celebrate Valentine's Day,'" she said.
For kids, Valentine's Day does not completely hinge on the exchange of cards. Much of the day's appeal lies more in the crafts, treats and parties.
Waverman noted that was the case when her children were younger.
"For them, it's just: 'Woohoo, we get another party at school.' Another afternoon off filled with treats. I don't think they think of Valentine's Day as some kind of judgement on their own, personal, social popularity."
It's (Valentine's Day efforts) worth it in the end. It's always a labour of love.- Eschelle Westwood , blogger
Westwood also said her kids enjoy the treats and parties more than anything else. But her own celebration of the holiday comes from her love of them.
"It's (Valentine's Day) labour intensive, but the kids have so much fun, and it's all worth it when you pick them up from school and they talk about what the great things they did that day (are). So it's worth it in the end. It's always a labour of love."