There was an e-card circulating through social media recently, which depicted two versions of parents reacting to their child’s report card, which is obviously not great.

The first picture, from the past, has the parents scolding their child, asking: "How could you let this happen?" The second cartoon, present day, sees the parents turn their venom on the teacher, by asking the exact same question: "How could you let this happen?"

It’s a sign of the times. If something goes wrong – especially with our children – it’s the other person’s fault, and never our own. Our children are not to blame. The same mentality takes place with regards to rules: sure, there are directions to follow, but they’re for other folks. "They’re not for me," is the thought.

One such case comes this week from Clarenville, where the repeated belligerent actions of a minor hockey parent caused the executive of the town’s minor hockey program to resign en masse. Sad, indeed. It's especially sad, considering it’s over something as superficial as a hockey sweater. (It’s also about defying rules and harassing phone calls, but that’s another matter.)

"The parent and the coaches were advised that these jerseys were not to be used as CAMHA jerseys," said Trish Sullivan, who was president of the Clarenville and Area Minor Hockey Association until she resigned last week. "Our policy manual states that all donations to our association must have the approval of the executive, and must benefit our program, not individuals. It was at this point that two members of our executive were targeted with intimidating behaviour."

Imagine that! Because parents didn’t like the rule, they harassed the executive members who enforce the rules! What kind of message is that parent teaching their child?

Rose-coloured glasses

For whatever reason, many parents wear rose-coloured glasses when watching their offspring participate in sports. They understand if a child struggles with school, or if they can’t learn to play a musical instrument, or doesn’t make the school choir. These filtered glasses create unrealistic expectations for the kids in rinks, pitches, and gyms everywhere – goals they can never reach; goals they’re not interested in reaching; goals the parents set. "My son’s an all-star hockey player." "My daughter is the best soccer player in her age group; at least the best in our town." "See how tall he is? He’ll get a college scholarship for basketball."

While that case of a renegade parent is rare, there are many examples of parents poking their noses into places they shouldn’t be, especially when it comes to minor sports.

Sometimes that’s not bad, as long as they remain in the stands, off at a distance. But it’s these parents – the ones who see things differently from the other 30 mothers and fathers on the team – who are the most vociferous.

The problem is it’s always the parents whose kids aren’t all-stars, or are bubble kids, who cause the trouble. Ask a coach in any sport about picking a team, and they’ll tell you the same thing. The top end is easy to see. So is the bottom end. It’s the last three-to-five players to be selected for a team who have similar skill sets that make the selection process difficult. How do you separate them?

This is where the intangibles come into play. Does the child have a strong work ethic? Is he/she dependable and respectful, and fun to have around? Does he/she get along with the other kids? If all things are equal, guess where the coaches look?

They look straight to the parents, to see what kind of disposition they have. If they’re whiners, chances are their kid is going to get short shrift. As a coach, you don’t want to spend half your season dealing with complaining parents.

Kids get embarrassed

Parents who constantly complain and bawl have no idea the damage they do to their children, not only in this selection process, but also in the child’s development. I’ve coached a lot of kids, and you wouldn’t believe how many times a kid is on the bench or walking off the field muttering, “Shut up Dad,” or “Mom, stop yelling.” It’s embarrassing.

Kids know better than anybody else where they stand in the skill hierarchy of their peers. They do not need to be falsely inflated because they understand their abilities and limitations. They don’t need Dad screaming at the coach to put him on the first line, or in the starting line-up.

Decades ago, when my generation grew up, parents rarely ventured to the park or rinks. They dropped the kids off and picked them up. My father would have had difficulty telling you what hand I threw the ball with. That’s not necessarily the best route, but the pendulum has swung too far in the opposite direction now. Parents not only come into the games (and practices!), they won’t miss one. Have to see how Junior is doing.

As a minor sport volunteer myself, I can tell you that parents take up far too much of the conversation at meetings, taking away important volunteer time from more important discussions. It’d be great to find a happy medium between then and now – parents watching, but not totally engaged.

Failing that, maybe we can find the old Cone of Silence used on the television show Get Smart, and put it over the field of play, so the young, budding athletes can screen out the negative vibes that often come from the stands, especially the ones coming from Mom and Dad.