Premier Critch? Premier Mercer? Or Premier Hawco?

We asked three well-known entertainers how they would steer the province if they were in the premier's office.

Mark Critch, Rick Mercer and Allan Hawco take a minute to report how their N.L. republic would look

Rick Mercer would ask that Canada's federal government never call again over the St. John's harbour fence. (CBC)

With Newfoundland and Labrador once again waiting for the governing Tories to crown the province's next premier, three well-known names are pondering how they would steer the province if they were at its political helm.

Republic of Doyle star Allan Hawco thinks Newfoundland and Labrador is need of a minister of car jumps and crashes. (CBC)
Republic of Doyle star Allan Hawco, Rick Mercer of the Rick Mercer Report and 22 Minutes star Mark Critch have all disclosed their political platforms Wednesday to the St. John's Morning Show

And, as is the case in politics, once you go on the record, there is no taking it back.

Here is a look at some of the things Hawco, Mercer and Critch said they would do, should they become the 12th premier of Newfoundland and Labrador.

Allan Hawco, a premier who gets 'punched in the face'

"If I were premier there would be an increase to arts funding by about 8,000 per cent," said Hawco. 

"I would have a minister for jumping over speeding cars, and I guess I would need a deputy minister for jumping over speeding cars. I think that would be cool," he said.

"I think there would be also minister of car crashes and car stunts."

Hawco suggested that his Jake Doyle persona may be good experience in the political arena. 

"I guess I would be the premier who gets punched in the face a lot, because when you think about it, people complain about politics and politicians a lot. So in my case they would be constantly satisfied by watching me get repeatedly punched in the head," Hawco said.

Rick Mercer, a premier in 'a loopy parallel universe'

"First off I would like to say for the record I have a job, it is a good job, and I am happy with it," said Mercer. 

"That said, in a loopy parallel universe, if I was premier of Newfoundland and Labrador, I would say first off every graduating student from Newfoundland and Labrador would have a basic understanding of financial literacy. This would be a mandatory course [in high school] because too many people get troubled with payday loans, credit cards and lines of credit, and it haunts them for decades. A smarter person than I would devise this course, but it would be mandatory," Mercer told the Morning Show. 

"Also if I was premier, the first call [I would make] would be to the federal government and I would say, 'remember that time you called us and said we had to build a fence along the harbour front in St. John's to keep us safe? Well that fence is coming down, please do not call us again,'" Mercer said. 

"Other than that, I would ensure that the Labrador Highway was paved in my first term. I would explore the feasibility of a fixed link. And Ron Hynes would be the poet laureate," Mercer said.

Mark Critch, a premier for 'less laundry and more flushed toilets'

"If I were premier, first of all, Newfoundland tourism ads would have less laundry in them and more flushed toilets, so people know that there is more to the province," said Critch. 
22 Minutes' Mark Critch is interested in the genetic outcome of mating a pine marten with a Newfoundland pony. (CBC)

"I'd say less MHAs not lower pensions for the MHAs like [current Liberal leader] Dwight Ball wants," Critch said. 

"I'd say we have to spend three per cent of our oil revenue coming up with a third breed of dog. We have the Newfoundland dog and the Labrador retriever, and I'd increase dog production," he said. 

"Or maybe a Newfoundland cat. Maybe mate a pine marten and a Newfoundland pony and see what we get."

Critch also suggested paying down the debt, "because we can't be doing Muskrat Falls if we got half the transmission line on the Visa Gold and the other half on the MasterCard. Plus we got the turbine generator on the Costco card and still we've got the Sears card maxed out."

"And when it comes to Bill 29 I would hire Rex Murphy to translate what frivolous and vexatious means, because in doing so that itself will be frivolous and vexatious," Critch said.