Accused killer Curtis Bonnell told police he thought he needed to go to an asylum.
"I have things inside me like Jekyll and Hyde," he said during a recorded conversation with police on Nov. 14, 2009, which was played Thursday for the jury at his first-degree murder trial.
Bonnell, 32, of the Esgenoopetitj First Nation, is accused of killing his first cousin, 16-year-old Hilary Bonnell.
The Crown alleges Bonnell picked up Hilary on Sept. 5, 2009, as the she was walking along Micmac Road in the northeastern community after a party.
Bonnell is accused of holding Hilary against her will, sexually assaulting her and killing her.
Bonnell had agreed to go with police to Hilary's burial site — a remote wooded area near Tracadie-Sheila.
But on the drive there, he asked to turn around, the Miramichi courtroom heard.
Bonnell told police he needed an elder with him and some sweetgrass and sage.
'No person deserves that. Not one person.' —Curtis Bonnell
"I'm lost right now, scared," he said.
"I know deep down in my heart this isn't going to go away without a spiritual elder."
On the drive back to the Moncton Detention Centre, Bonnell is heard asking lead investigator RCMP Sgt. Greg Lupson for some pills to relax.
He makes the comment about Jekyll and Hyde, which comes from the novel The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and refers to someone with two distinct personalities — one good, the other evil.
Lupson says he's not disappointed Bonnell wouldn't go to the burial site.
"The truth involves terrible things … It's hard for you to say, 'Here's what happened. Here's what I did,'" the officer said.
Bonnell maintains he doesn't remember much about the morning Hilary went missing. He had snorted about a half an ounce of cocaine the night before, he said.
Bonnell tells Lupson he has a lot of anger inside from growing up abused.
Lupson asks what it was about Hilary that made him angry. "No words that I can say," Bonnell replies.
Lupson then asks if Hilary deserved anything that happened to her.
"I don't know. I don't remember. In my heart as a sober man, no. No person deserves that. Not one person."
The trial, which started on Sept. 17, is expected to last up to eight weeks.