B.A. Johnston announces new album with best press release of all time

Hamilton treasure and “failed showman on the skids” B.A. Johnston just announced a brand new album, called Gremlins III.

'Gremlins 3' comes out on March 3

Rejoice, B.A. Johnston has a new album coming on March 3. (Pigeon Row)

Hamilton treasure and "failed showman on the skids" B.A. Johnston just announced a brand new album, called Gremlins 3.

The title, which is in fact based on the 80s classic, came from B.A.'s "desire to be sued by someone famous," the press release announcing the album reads.

Johnston has long been known and beloved in Hamilton for his eclectic performances (read: shirtless and writhing on beer-soaked floors) and his self-deprecating humour.

The album's lead single is I Need Donair Sauce — an ode to the sweet east coast condiment found on Donairs. While most bands try to premiere their new tunes on music or culture websites, Johnston chose to premiere his on the King of Donair's social media pages — a well known-Halifax restaurant.

Yes, really.

The press release is comedic gold, so we're just going to post it here in its entirety for you to enjoy. You can check out Johnston in Hamilton at This Ain't Hollywood on March 17.

After spending all the profits from his wildly successful album Sh-t Sucks on a VHS copy of Smokey and the Bandit and a package of tube socks, B.A. Johnston is back at it again in a desperate attempt to make enough money to buy a VHS copy of Smokey and the Bandit 2 and an assorted submarine sandwich.
Gremlins 3 is the 11th studio album by B.A. Johnston and, again, it was recorded both in an actual studio (The Echo Chamber) and at someone's house in rural Nova Scotia with no running water (The Quarantine). It treads familiar territory with songs about cheap beer, drinking beer in a car, and drinking so much beer that you are worried you will fall out of a canoe and drown. In an effort to branch out and tackle the serious issues of today, there is also a song about being high at work in a Foodland. The album title came from B.A.'s desire to be sued by someone famous.
Gremlins 3 was produced by Mathias Kom (of the underrated Canadian rock act, Burning Hell) as well as beatsmith Stephan Macleod (Windom Earle). This album differs from the other stink burgers in B.A.'s catalogue as it includes an actual backing band on six tracks (the talented Reaguns Rayguns from Saint John, NB). On top of this, every single song features actual instruments played by actual musicians, and not just the talentless B.A. Johnston.
This could very well be B.A.'s swan song. Honestly, it's 50/50. As minimum wage has now crossed the $10.00 mark, B.A. could quit this crap and start making tens of dollars doing something with dignity. Maybe work at a Giant Tiger or something.
B.A. Johnston has been playing "music" throughout Canada since the dawn of time. He is best known for being the human inspiration for The Littlest Hobo and once ate three Baconators on a bet. He can be found at some crappy bar near you playing for a nominal cover charge, which people pay even though "they only want to come in and have some wings."

About the Author

Adam Carter

Reporter, CBC Hamilton

Adam Carter is a Newfoundlander who now calls Hamilton home. He enjoys a good story and playing loud music in dank bars. You can follow him on Twitter @AdamCarterCBC or drop him an email at adam.carter@cbc.ca.