An Alberta man is perplexed after thieves made off with a large outhouse from his farm near Edmonton — but he doesn't plan to take the crime sitting down.
"I think at least four to six guys had to come here to do this … two guys? No way they could do this," said Randy Nemirsky, as he stood at the edge of the hole where the outhouse used to stand.
'How low can you go to steal a man’s privy?'—Randy Nemirsky, victim of outhouse theft
The farm near Lamont, about 60 kilometres east of Edmonton, has been in the family for nearly 90 years. Last summer Nemirsky and his son Nick tore down the original outhouse, which had been built in 1936, and rebuilt it.
"We planned this summer to rebuild the old outhouse there and we dug the hole and it was a whole summer project."
The new structure was meant to be a major improvement to the farm and was finished in August. But when the family returned to the property in the fall, they found the outhouse missing, with the hole in the ground and a few scattered boards as the only sign anything had stood there.
"I got a phone call [from Nick] … "He said, 'The outhouse is missing,'" said Nemirsky.
"I said, 'What?'"
He says the outhouse wasn’t just a flimsy structure — it was bolted to the ground and weighed between 350 and 450 kilograms. A large picnic table was also taken.
Nemirsky says while the theft may be unusual, it’s not a laughing matter. Between building, painting and siding the outhouse, he suspects he's out about $1,000.
"You spent time building it, and where do you go now?
"I can build another one, but how low can you go to steal a man’s privy?"
Reward brings support, but no leads
The family reported the theft to the RCMP. After a month with no progress, they decided to put an ad online with a $500 reward for information on the theft.
It didn’t bring in many leads, but the family has received many messages of support.
"The best one I heard was to steal a man's throne is a pretty low down, man," said Nick Nemirsky.
The family says they plan to build a replacement — a reinforced version that will be harder to swipe.
While he doesn’t think it likely they will ever see the missing outhouse again, Randy Nemirsky said he will still keep a close eye in nearby fields and lake lots for his property.