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Valentine's

Loathing love's day

What's wrong with Feb. 14?

Last Updated February 2008

What's not to love about Valentine's Day? Well, how about cultural offensiveness, emotional insensitivity, rampant consumerism, and even encouraging date rape? And those are just a few items from the charge sheet.

Setting out to uncover people's objections to Feb. 14 is a bit like opening the door of an overstuffed closet, with just the smallest effort producing an avalanche. A lot of people, and even a few countries, just don't agree with the idea of setting aside a day to commemorate love, romance and relationships.

Of course, it starts with the lonely, or those in unrequited love. Some may have said it better, but none more frankly than poetic songstress Jewel in I Hate Valentine's Day.

"Wish I had a sweetheart," she croons, "didn't even get a stinkin' card, I just have to say I hate Valentine's Day."

Legions of fans sway in unison, and sink more deeply in mid-February depression.

Of course, the web simply abounds with aversion to St. Valentine and his day. It's the nature of the internet. Some websites are funny like the carefully crafted instructions on how to make a Valentine's voodoo doll to wreak pinpoint havoc on the person of your nightmares. Elsewhere there's real bitterness. Consider this list from the Love is evil site that purports to "tell the truth about Valentine's Day."

The "Excess Baggage" that is attached with love:

  • Compromising one's self.
  • Smothers out happiness.
  • Losing our creative edge.
  • Lowers a person and their potential.
  • Lowering of one's funds.

Our cynical webmaster is right on at least one count. Money fuels Feb. 14. Last year, heart-addled Canadians and Americans spent an estimated $20 billion on flowers, chocolates, greeting cards, romantic dinners and, presumably, sexy lingerie.

Vinegar and violence

Valentine's So-called 'vinegar valentines' were popular with people who hate Valentine's Day from the late 19th century until recently. They were usually cruel or offensive, and sent anonymously. (CBC)

In the dark days before the web, people expressed their anger over the day of love by sending "vinegar valentines." These were cards with insulting poems and ugly caricatures that enjoyed a brief flurry of popularity in the U.S. in the late 19th century. They were the invention of a New York printer named John McLaughlin and they could be cuttingly cruel. This little verse was for women who weren't married:

"Miss Grey hairs and wrinkles, don't look quite so cold.
"Don't let it surprise you to find yourself old.
"The 'old maids' of this world, without chance for a beau,
"For Cupid's grown gray since he cut you, you know."

Humour aside, there are some serious concerns out there about Valentine's Day. Eve Ensler, who wrote The Vagina Monologues, thinks Feb. 14 should be V-Day. V, she says, is for vagina, violence and victory and people should reflect on ending sexual violence against women and children, not just mushy, romantic love.

"It's a perfect day to affirm that people should love each other, and be nice to women," she writes, "instead of hurting them or killing them."

Colleges and universities across North America follow Ensler's lead and observe V-Day on campus.

Last year, the Canadian Red Cross added its considerable weight to this point of view. "Valentine's Day hype can fuel youth dating violence," warned the organization's Judi Fairholm.

"Our culture starts laying the groundwork at a very early age to convince young people that romantic love is all important. However, we often neglect to teach young people what's healthy and what isn't in romance," Fairholm says.

Predictably, there's a backlash. Right-wing left-loathers, and Fox News, have made much of the War on Valentine's Day , blaming feminists, political correctness and identity politics for a "lunatic onslaught" on tradition. Unsubstantiated reports of V-Day celebrants handing out "vulva cookies" and chanting the word "vagina" in public gatherings are sprinkled liberally in niche magazines and websites of the right. "Leave love alone," proclaims one anguished commentator.

A 'pagan' holiday: Saudi clerics

Valentine's Valentine's Day isn't quite illegal in Saudi Arabia but it's frowned upon by the religious authorities. People observe Feb. 14th privately but public displays of hearts and flowers are not allowed. (Hassan Amman/Getty Images)

Globalization has certainly been kind to Feb. 14. From its origins in Europe, Saint Valentine's Day crossed the Atlantic, the Pacific, the Indian Ocean and both poles. It's everywhere, much to the chagrin of some social conservatives.

A few Muslim clerics have been particularly piqued to see men and women giving each other cards and goo-goo eyes on Feb. 14. Saudi Arabia's religious authorities have banned Valentine's Day and urged people to avoid exchanging even verbal good wishes.

"It's a pagan Christian holiday," says an edict from the fatwa committee in Riyadh, "and Muslims who believe in God and judgment day should not celebrate or acknowledge it or congratulate (people). It is a duty to shun it to avoid God's anger and punishment."

The Saudis and the Iranians don't agree on much, but they both see red on Feb. 14. Last year, shops and malls in Tehran were ordered to remove displays of hearts and flowers. This year it was the Saudis' turn as religious police ordered everything red, including roses, out of the shops.

For several years now in India, hard-line Hindu groups have attacked greeting card shops and restaurants promoting romantic dinners for two. Mobs chanting "down with Western culture" smashed wine bottles and set fire to effigies of St. Valentine outside cosy cafes where courting couples were canoodling. The authorities closed down Lucknow University, several hundred kilometres east of New Delhi, warning that too much attention paid to Feb. 14th would trigger lewd behaviour by young men and put female students at risk.

"A day like Valentine's Day will give undesirable elements a chance to take undue liberties," said university vice-chancellor D.P. Singh.

In the end though, it's pretty obvious that cynics, the lovelorn, feminists and stodgy social conservatives are in the minority on the Valentine's debate. As a species, we love to love, even if it can get a little sickly sweet at certain times of the year.

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