INDEPTH: MARRIAGE
Marriage Rituals: From blood to besoms
CBC News Online | August 19, 2004
"Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out." - Michel de Montaigne, 16th-century French essayist.
A newly married Japanese girl stands at Tokyo platform about to board a train to take her and her husband to honeymoon destination. (Photo taken by Angela Bianchi.)
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The modern-day marriage, resplendent with the $20,000 Valentino wedding gown, multiple wedding showers, money-making stags, multi-course receptions and the more-than-generous money gifts has become fashionable, say vogue wedding magazines, not only in western countries but also in traditional eastern societies, where a fusion of western and local customs has taken place.
But history shows us that even before the trousseau became a treasure chest and before the ancient word "honeymoon" meant a three-week cruise, a wedding was never a simple undertaking.
The following are examples of various matrimonial rituals practised throughout the ages, some of which may still be observed.
Japan
Some brides get married in an elaborate kimono and later switch to a white, flowing Cinderella gown, but ancient rituals still continue to play a strong role in the Japanese Shinto marriage ceremony.
Arranged marriages by a "nakado" were – and, in most cases, continue to be – the norm in certain social circles.
Before the wedding ceremony there's a gift exchange. The bride receives a sash, which represents virtue, and the groom gets a "hakama" skirt, which expresses fidelity.
The marriage then takes place on a lucky day as listed on the almanac, and held either in the summer or fall.
The ceremony held in a Shinto sanctuary requires that the families bring offerings of rice water, salt, fruit and sake to the altar.
Following an elaborate religious ceremony, which includes drinking of sake, the betrothed take an oath of faithfulness, which is followed by an offering of sake to family members. Then the rings are exchanged.
Some 98 couples pose for a wedding photo after a mass marriage ceremony at the theater square in Chemnitz, eastern Germany, Thursday, Sep. 9, 1999. The mass wedding row was organized by a Saxony radio station to celebrate the rare alignment of nines on the calendar.(AP Photo/Eckehard Schulz)
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Greece
Up to the early 20th century, women suffered harsh penalities if they lied about their virginal state. One way to put wagging tongues to rest was to have the husband hang a white bedsheet, stained with blood, from the balconey the day following the wedding ceremony.
East Africa
You've heard the saying "walk a mile in her shoes"? Well, the Masai tribe believed that a groom should wear his future wife's clothes for a period before the marriage so he could truly get to know her.
Biblical times
Deuteronomy 22:28-29 orders that a female virgin must marry the man who raped her , unless she's engaged to be married to someone else.
Men took advantage of this law to attack women they found attractive, and paid a sum of money to the father-in-law. Once married, he couldn't divorce her.
Sparta
Procreation was important to Spartans in the seventh century B.C. It was important to produce strong warriors, so if a man was physically weak, or couldn't father boys, he would allow a stronger man to impregnate his wife.
Scot Gortman and Peggy Plair of Gulf County, Fla., fly through the air Saturday morning, Aug. 5, 2000, on the Geronimo Sky Coaster at the Wild Adventures amusement park after exchanging wedding vows during a ceremony at the park, located near Valdosta, Ga. (AP Photo/The Valdosta Daily Times, Paul Leavy)
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Wales
Stealing your bride was acceptable in Wales and some insist that it's still a popular recourse for some men in the town of Cardiganshire.
Stealing may be a strong word, but many brides and grooms have agreed to keep certain traditions alive. So, on the wedding day, the groom and his friends saunter up to the bride's residence and find the family attempting to block his entry.
They playfully battle each other, ending with the groom's entry into the house. But where's the bride? She's disguised herself as an old lady nursing an infant boy– a symbol of good luck.
At the church the bride is taken by her relatives but the groom chases her down and they both return to the church to complete the ceremony.
The Welsh were also known for this unofficial custom that has a birch besom placed at the bride's doorstep. In front of witnesses, the man jumps over it and then his bride. If either of them touches the twigs in any way the marriage is not recognized.
Scotland
Up until 1939 there were parts of Scotland that still allowed people to legally marry through the act of handfasting, an old pagan ritual presided over by a priestess. The Scottish town of Gretna Green gained a reputation for allowing such marriages, after it was outlawed in 1753.
Handfasting required tying the bride and groom's wrists together until the wedding ceremony was complete or in some cases, until the marriage was consummated.
The term itself comes from the custom of shaking hands over a contract
Ancient Britain
Ever wonder where the term "cold feet" came from? Some believe it dates back to the time when the groom wed in the nude.
Switzerland
Three hundred years ago, if a couple were out in public and swung back their drinks by linking arms at the elbows, that was enough for them to be considered legally wed. The linked elbows became a sign of sexual union for some.
Russia
In the 1400s, before the wedding, a ritual bath was given for the bride-to-be and some of the water was then saved for the husband to drink following the marriage ceremony.
Before the actual ceremony, the bridal bed was covered with money to symbolize best wishes for the future and a round loaf of bread was delivered to the chamber by the bride.
Inside the church, the groom and bride exchanged rings and received burning candles. Following the wedding feast, the young couple was led to their nuptial chamber.
To spare the couple from evil spirits, pins and needles were thrust into the bride's dress as she walked towards the altar or the best man cracked his whip.
Vikings
Viking's held their outdoor weddings on a Friday, or Frigg's Day, a tribute to "Frigg," the goddess of marriage.
One ritual involved the exchange of family swords. The wife would keep her husband's ancestral sword until their first-born son came of age.
The wedding rings were exchanged on the tip of the swords and vows exchanged over the tip of the groom's sword.
The feast was held in the longhouse. The wife was carried inside by the groom, for should she trip, it was a sign that their marriage would also falter.
To ensure the bride was chaste, people were designated to remain in the bedchamber and witness the wedding night.
For a month after the wedding ceremony, both husband and wife were expected to share a honey-based ale, hence the word honeymoon.
France
Many aspects of French wedding etiquette were copied in other parts of Western Europe, in particular the use of the hope chest, the use of the white wedding gown, the use of a fresh-flower wedding bouquet, and the ringing of the wedding bells.
It's still common, in smaller towns and villages, to have the groom walk to his future bride's house and walk her to the chapel.
During the reception both drink from a specially engraved goblet, a family heirloom. At night, friends escort the couple back home and bang pots and pans outside their bedroom. The groom is expected to invite the boisterous crowd inside for drinks.
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Marriage and Divorce
Top Characteristics People Want in a Partner
1. Honesty
2. Kindness
3. Respect
4. Compatibility
5. Humour
Top Reasons Why People Marry
1. Marriage signifies commitment
2. Moral values
3. Children should have married parents
4. The natural thing to do
5. Financial security
Top Reasons Why Couples Divorce
1. Different values and interests
2. Physical and emotional abuse
3. Alcohol and drugs
4. Infidelity
5. Career-related conflict
SOURCE: Vanier Institute of the Family
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