INDEPTH: MARRIAGE
Dana Gornitzki: Confessions of a professional bridesmaid
CBC News Online | August 30, 2004
You know the saying, "always a bridesmaid, never the bride?" Out of the blue, it all seemed to happen at once. One moment, I was a happy single, going out with my friends, and the next moment, I was the almost-professional confidante to my soon-to-be bride friends.
I know I'm not alone in this. All you have to do is say the word "bridesmaid" and all sorts of emotions can be triggered! Try it at a party or the doctor's office and you'll see what I mean. Just when you think your single friend is normal and nice, she gets engaged on you and asks you to be her bridesmaid. You accept, unaware that you've put yourself in the unpredictable hands of a raging bridezilla.
Don't get me wrong, I adore weddings. Despite the pre-wedding stress, I always end up having fun. I'm just not one of those girls who has always dreamt of wedding bells ringing and what my dress was going to look like. I never thought my friends were either.
Let's just say life changed at the ripe age of 25.
Those were the days when Bridget Jones was funny and reading articles about unmarried 30-year olds seemed humourous. "Pffft, that will never be me," I remember thinking. What did I know? Now, I'm just a month away from that!
Then, it came - that first phone call asking me to be a bridesmaid. It happened three more times, always giving me a sneak peak into what my close friends were like under extreme amounts of self-inflicted stress before their nuptials.
Before I could say Mazal Tov, I found myself looking at rings, listening to the where, the when, and the how of the wedding - even though it was still months away. If you learn only one thing from my experience, let it be this: If you want to remain friends with your bridezilla, learn to listen. Because there are months - and I mean, months - of preparation ahead of you.
There's "B-maid" etiquette. It's all spelled out on websites and at bookstores: from shower themes to rules on how much you should spend. Complete how-to guides for wedding showers and stagettes. Who knew?!
"I have a wardrobe with a couple of dresses I've kept for Halloween," a B-maid survivor told me - only if I swore never to reveal her name. "I don't usually wear pink tafetta, but you never know what weddings are on the horizon."
When it comes to bridesmaid dresses, it's usually up to the bride. Some choose the fabric, others just give you direction. A few might have the actual dress picked out. Don't think for a minute that your opinion matters. The point here is to make the bride shine. Resist the urge to be honest: wear the dress, and then make some space for it in your closet.
You still have to look your best when you slip into that dress on the big day. I joined a local gym with one of my bridezillas that offered a "Bridal Bootcamp" - no joke - which took you through six weeks of muscle conditioning and cardio. We stuck with it for two weeks before falling off the wagon, opting for trips to the coffee shop to discuss every little detail of the wedding planning instead.
"If you think your friends can be crazy, watch out for the moms!" a good friend and an eight-time bridesmaid recently told me. We laugh, as she whispers "It's like my friend's mom had a different personality. She wouldn't let us wear certain kinds of jewelry, nail polish, and we were ordered to stick to a certain hair-do. I laugh now, but it's taken me a while."
If there's something I've learned from all the weddings, it's that they're fun, despite the bridezillas and the dramas that come along with pre-wedding hoopla. You'll have lots of funny stories, bonding moments with the other B-maids, and a good reason to make fun of your just-married friend.
The bottom line is that for a girl who's never imagined her own wedding, I can safely say that should I ever say "I do," doing it at City Hall will make me happy ever after. Guaranteed. At least, for now…
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