Melva Desjarlais, 59, sits in her two-bedroom mobile home in Blackfalds, Alta., just outside Red Deer and surveys the mess of kids' toys strewn about.

"I bought the place because it fits me. Now, I've had to give up one room that's jam-packed with toys. If I'd known I was going to be taking care of my grandson, I would have bought the three-bedroom."

Desjarlais's grandson Nicholas is just one of more than 37,000 children under the age of 18 living with a grandparent — with no biological parent in the home. Known as "kinship caregivers" by those who keep track of the phenomenon, grandparents parenting their grandkids represent one of the fastest growing aspects of the modern family.

In the past 15 years, the number of children in this situation has shot up an astounding 37 per cent. Since 2001 alone, the numbers are up 15 per cent.

What is more, the phenomenon cuts across every economic and racial category, according to Esme Fuller-Thomson, associate professor in the University of Toronto's Faculty of Social Work.

"[Kinship care occurs] disproportionately in the First Nations community, but the majority of these grandparents are white and middle class," she says. "It's also disproportionately poor people, but [it spans] rich to poor and educated to poorly educated as well."

Desjarlais's six-year-old grandson has lived with her since he was born because both his parents have cerebral palsy and can't mind him full time. But there are numerous reasons grandparents end up parenting their children's children.

"The causes are mental illness, addictions, poor parenting and neglect, as well as female incarceration, which has gone up dramatically in the United States and Canada," says Fuller-Thomson.

Teenage pregnancies are also a large contributor, she said.

Little government help

Compounding the problem is the fact that many children who live with grandparents have their own issues. Some have been abused and suffer from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Desjarlais's grandson has attention-deficit and impulse-control problems. Other children can require expensive counselling because of the situations they've been plucked from.

In Desjarlais's case, she receives no government money for child care, which is typical of these situations, although Nicholas's parents give her $150 a month. As well, their health benefits cover his prescriptions.

Most grandparents don't receive any money to bring up their grandchildren even though most are single and female with few financial resources.

From the bureaucratic point of view, the situation at home needs to spiral dramatically downwards before a child will be considered for foster care. At that point, if a grandparent steps forward, he or she would be eligible for money from social services. But by that time, of course, the child could also be quite damaged by a bad living situation.

Most grandparents jump in before things hit rock-bottom, Fuller-Thomson says, which benefits the child but denies the caregiver financial aid.

"Typically, they see the child is being abused and neglected or there's something dysfunctional going on in the family," she says. "Instead of calling in Children's Aid, they offer to pitch in and help. Or sometimes, parents ask a parent to babysit for the weekend and haven't come back six years later.

"Because of that, child welfare [services] is not involved. But the more pro-active the grandparents are, the fewer resources they can access."

More support for kinship caregivers in the U.S.

In Canada, the amount of money a kinship caregiver can access is very limited and varies from province to province.

Aron Shlonsky, an associate professor at the University of Toronto, has done extensive work in this area in the United States.

"The model adopted by a lot of states in the U.S. is that kinship caregivers get paid the same rate as foster caregivers," he says. "If it's a special-needs child, they get paid more money."

These caregivers need to meet licensing requirements, Shlonsky adds. "Each state has their own requirements, some more stringent than others," he says.

A national survey in the U.S. analyzed children raised by grandparents and found they were doing as well in health and behavioural outcomes as those in two-parent families, according to Fuller-Thomson.

The same can't be said for the grandparents themselves, however.

"There are a lot of weary souls out there," said Fuller-Thomson. "Giving kids a bath, helping with homework are all a lot of work. You see women in their 70s trying to learn how to put on hockey equipment.

"Typically, these grandparents are more vulnerable to depression than their peers. They're also prone to health problems, have difficulty lifting and climbing stairs. But is their overall health really worse, or do they just notice it more because they're carrying a baby up and down the stairs and changing diapers five times a day?"

Support group helps grandparents adapt to new role

Grandparent caregivers may often feel lonely, but thanks to Betty Cornelius they are not always alone. The 56-year-old grandmother from McArthurs Mills, in eastern Ontario, set up a support group in 1996 called Association to Reunite Grandparents and Family. (It was renamed Cangrands Kinship Support in 1999 when she launched the website Cangrands.)

Cornelius went to court 9 years ago to get custody of her granddaughter, who was living with drug-addicted parents.

Her organization provides emotional support, financial-assistance information and counselling to grandparents and other "kin" (relatives or someone with a bonding relationship).

Cornelius's and Desjarlais's grandchildren might call them "grandma," but in reality, they play the role of mothers.

"I'm the one he lashes out at because I'm the one who tells him to eat his supper and that he can't have candy," Desjarlais says. "I can't spoil him like other grandmothers or I pay for it. But there are those special moments, like when he says, 'Grandma, you're the best.' My kids never said that."

Whatever the ups and downs, most grandparents, it seems, are happy that the children they are caring for are in safer situations than they would be otherwise. It also gives them a special connection to their grandchild.

"I tell my granddaughter: 'I changed your diapers; you're going to be changing mine,'" jokes Cornelius.

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