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Funny fare
Hunting down Canada's national food treasures from the butter tart to the fiddlehead
Last Updated June 28, 2007
By Andrew Davidson, CBC News
Newfoundland's humble Jam-Jam is made of two soft, moist cookies joined together by a jammy, sweet filling.
In the spirit of Confederation, I have volunteered to attempt to track down and eat every item a crack team of CBC.ca writers have put forth as Canadian food icons. In one day. So over the mountains and over the plains/Into the muskeg and into the rain…
If it couldn't be found in the "Centre of the Universe," a.k.a. Toronto, then I would fail our nation.
I check the list and start with the easy items: a package of six fresh butter tarts, their golden-yellow crusts like plump ladies' thumbs and index fingers giving me an A-OK sign. One Nanaimo bar, a dessert I despise. All the fixings for a Caesar from the corner store. Bagels toted to Toronto three days before by my friend Allison via train from Montreal — still fresh if toasted, a ring of sweet and salt and dough.
Out of the 12 items, the sheer number of desserts could trigger a coma, but bring it on, I say. The solitary vegetable? The fiddlehead, which I hear resembles nothing attached to a fiddle, but more like the head of some acid-blooded alien beast chasing Sigourney Weaver in space.
Like Sir John A. MacDonald, I shall unite this great and broad land of ours — not by the toil of a sun-kissed labourer, straining with each metre of rail-track laid, but through the rigour of my indomitable digestive tract.
Calorie-rich poutine, cheese curds, fries and gravy, was once regarded as a late-night, hangover cure. (Jessica Wong/CBC)
Breakfast:
- Butter tart (check)
- Caesar (well, it is a weekend … check)
- Montreal bagel (check)
Lunch:
- Beer (easy, check)
- Poutine (check)
- Butter tart (double-check)
Dinner:
- Caribou (tough one)
- Fiddleheads (also a tough one)
- Butter tart (too much of a good thing? Never!)
Dessert:
- Cape Breton pork pie (no pork in said pork pie? Message for Cape Breton: ???)
- Nuns' farts (never heard of them)
- Saskatoon berry pie (ditto)
- Jam-Jam (more like "Cavity-Cavity")
- Nanaimo bar (check, but blech)
My breakfast of bagel and butter tart goes down smoothly. After mixing a Caesar, I begin the hunt for the hardest prize.
"Onward, proud hunter of the caribou!" I cry. Butter tart-slicked thumbs slip over cellphone buttons.
A woman's voice: "…'s Meats."
"Hiya. Do y'all stock caribou?"
"Um, no. You could try, um, more north."
"Yonge and Eglinton?"
"Timmins."
"You've been a great help," I say, and hang up.
Might as well get the Nanaimo thing out of the way. I bite, chew, hate it.
Lunch. Still no luck on the caribou trial. Time for the trifecta of joy: cheese curds, fries and gravy. So it's off to Sneaky Dee's on College Street for poutine and a pint while I keep up the calls.
Caribou, popular as a jerky and in soups in the Northwest Territories, is tough to find in Toronto. (Donna Lee/CBC)
The steamy plate comes as I dial the last chop shop: a north-end butcher who just so happens to stock fresh caribou sold by the pound.
Me: "Woot! How much?"
Butcher: "$49.95."
"Zounds! With such prices, sir, I'd take you for a highwayman. Did I mention this is for the CBC?"
"Why didn't you say so? I'll sell it to you for, let's see, $49.95."
"Fine," I say. "I'll pick it up this afternoon."
"We're actually closed today. I was just cleaning up."
I hang up. Curses.
I wander the streets, despondent and bloated. My list, a catalogue of defeat. Six out of 12. Not even a majority. Struck out on the pork-pies. Couldn't find nuns' farts, Jam-Jams or Saskatoon berry pies either.
I pass by Dominion. Sounds patriotic. The sign in the window: fiddleheads on special.
"Hazzah," I cry. "Confederation is saved!"
More on Canada's cuisine
- Regional cuisine
- Interactive
- Your view
- Canada's cuisine comes of ages
- CBC Archives: A Taste of Canada
- IN DEPTH: Canada's Food Guide
- IN DEPTH: The food we eat
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