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Funny fare

Hunting down Canada's national food treasures from the butter tart to the fiddlehead

Last Updated June 28, 2007

Newfoundland's humble Jam-Jam is made of two soft, moist cookies joined together by a jammy, sweet filling. Newfoundland's humble Jam-Jam is made of two soft, moist cookies joined together by a jammy, sweet filling.

In the spirit of Confederation, I have volunteered to attempt to track down and eat every item a crack team of CBC.ca writers have put forth as Canadian food icons. In one day. So over the mountains and over the plains/Into the muskeg and into the rain

If it couldn't be found in the "Centre of the Universe," a.k.a. Toronto, then I would fail our nation.

I check the list and start with the easy items: a package of six fresh butter tarts, their golden-yellow crusts like plump ladies' thumbs and index fingers giving me an A-OK sign. One Nanaimo bar, a dessert I despise. All the fixings for a Caesar from the corner store. Bagels toted to Toronto three days before by my friend Allison via train from Montreal — still fresh if toasted, a ring of sweet and salt and dough.

Out of the 12 items, the sheer number of desserts could trigger a coma, but bring it on, I say. The solitary vegetable? The fiddlehead, which I hear resembles nothing attached to a fiddle, but more like the head of some acid-blooded alien beast chasing Sigourney Weaver in space.

Like Sir John A. MacDonald, I shall unite this great and broad land of ours — not by the toil of a sun-kissed labourer, straining with each metre of rail-track laid, but through the rigour of my indomitable digestive tract.

Calorie-rich poutine, cheese curds, fries and gravy, was once regarded as a late-night, hangover cure. (Jessica Wong/CBC) Calorie-rich poutine, cheese curds, fries and gravy, was once regarded as a late-night, hangover cure. (Jessica Wong/CBC)

Breakfast:

  • Butter tart (check)
  • Caesar (well, it is a weekend … check)
  • Montreal bagel (check)

Lunch:

  • Beer (easy, check)
  • Poutine (check)
  • Butter tart (double-check)

Dinner:

  • Caribou (tough one)
  • Fiddleheads (also a tough one)
  • Butter tart (too much of a good thing? Never!)

Dessert:

  • Cape Breton pork pie (no pork in said pork pie? Message for Cape Breton: ???)
  • Nuns' farts (never heard of them)
  • Saskatoon berry pie (ditto)
  • Jam-Jam (more like "Cavity-Cavity")
  • Nanaimo bar (check, but blech)

My breakfast of bagel and butter tart goes down smoothly. After mixing a Caesar, I begin the hunt for the hardest prize.

"Onward, proud hunter of the caribou!" I cry. Butter tart-slicked thumbs slip over cellphone buttons.

A woman's voice: "…'s Meats."
"Hiya. Do y'all stock caribou?"
"Um, no. You could try, um, more north."
"Yonge and Eglinton?"
"Timmins."
"You've been a great help," I say, and hang up.

Might as well get the Nanaimo thing out of the way. I bite, chew, hate it.

Lunch. Still no luck on the caribou trial. Time for the trifecta of joy: cheese curds, fries and gravy. So it's off to Sneaky Dee's on College Street for poutine and a pint while I keep up the calls.

Caribou, popular as a jerky and in soups in the Northwest Territories, is tough to find in Toronto. (Donna Lee/CBC) Caribou, popular as a jerky and in soups in the Northwest Territories, is tough to find in Toronto. (Donna Lee/CBC)

The steamy plate comes as I dial the last chop shop: a north-end butcher who just so happens to stock fresh caribou sold by the pound.

Me: "Woot! How much?"
Butcher: "$49.95."
"Zounds! With such prices, sir, I'd take you for a highwayman. Did I mention this is for the CBC?"
"Why didn't you say so? I'll sell it to you for, let's see, $49.95."
"Fine," I say. "I'll pick it up this afternoon."
"We're actually closed today. I was just cleaning up."
I hang up. Curses.

I wander the streets, despondent and bloated. My list, a catalogue of defeat. Six out of 12. Not even a majority. Struck out on the pork-pies. Couldn't find nuns' farts, Jam-Jams or Saskatoon berry pies either.

I pass by Dominion. Sounds patriotic. The sign in the window: fiddleheads on special.

"Hazzah," I cry. "Confederation is saved!"

Go to the Top

More on Canada's cuisine

Regional cuisine
Interactive
Your view
Canada's cuisine comes of ages
CBC Archives: A Taste of Canada
IN DEPTH: Canada's Food Guide
IN DEPTH: The food we eat

External Links

Bill Casselman: Canadian Food Words
Chef Michael Smith

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