I want you to take off your jacket. And the hat. Now slip off your shoes. Turn slowly around. I want to touch you all over.

Where else in life does someone you have never met have the right to order you to perform a striptease in front of dozens of onlookers? Only in an airport security area — or a jail — do you have to submit to frisking and examinations that presume you guilty until proved innocent.

It's all in the name of security, and as the peak holiday travel season is upon us, the humiliation will be aggravated by seemingly endless waits in line.

There's nothing you can do about it but be patient, although there are ways to make the airport security-checkpoint experience as smooth and as easy as possible.

Stay cool. While you may be tempted to spew your bile over the seemingly arbitrary rules and procedures, try not to take it out on the screeners or security staff. They're low-paid employees doing a numbingly routine job, with the only excitement coming when they spot a suspicious package of Gummi Bears that looks like plastic explosive in an X-ray scan. But most importantly, they know they could be fired in an instant if what they assumed was a basketball sneaker turned out to be a shoe bomb. Live with it.

Stick to the facts. Customs and immigration staff have never been jokers, but these days paranoia reigns. Any crack about how there haven't been any good hijackings lately is likely to result in you cooling your heels in a detention room until you can prove you're a stand-up comedian in training. Just answer what you're asked.

Bag it. Canada and most European countries have basically adopted the U.S. standard for liquids that people can take on a plane. You can carry as many 100-millilitre (three-ounce) containers as will fit in a one-litre (one-quart) plastic zip-top bag. Make sure the bag and containers are see-through, otherwise they may be destined for landfill. Prescriptions are exempt, but they need to be in their original containers, with the prescription label intact. And the name on the label has to match your name.

Booze bother. Duty-free hooch and perfumes purchased after clearing security may be OK once again on non-stop flights, but duty-free liquids bought in Canada or the United States won't make it through security on connecting flights. The European Union has special bags for duty-free, but they don't pass muster with U.S. security officers if you're changing planes coming home. Is it any wonder airport duty-free sales are in a freefall?

Weight watch. That 23-kg (50 pound) limit on the weight of each piece of baggage is being very strictly enforced. A simple test is to weigh yourself and then pick up your bag as you stand on the bathroom scale, then calculate the difference - it's easier than trying to balance the bag on the scale by itself. But remember that if you plan to shop while away, the bag will weigh more when you return.

Locks are for breaking. It's amazing how curious the folks who X-ray bags can become about the Swiss Army knife you had to put into a checked bag because you can't take it as carry-on. When security scanners have to open a bag to rifle through your underwear in search of a potential threat, the last thing they are going to worry about is how you are going to replace the lock they had to smash. Options include leaving the lock open, or getting one that has a security key that airport staff can open. Either way, don't put anything in checked baggage that's worth stealing.

Carry-on conundrum. Air Canada will give you a $5 discount if you don't check bags and only use a carry-on. But you'd better pack light. If a lot of people on your flight take that option, those overhead bins will fill up fast and you'll have to hope your bag fits under your seat, eliminating any legroom you might have had. And your savings vanish if there's no room in the cabin and your bag has to be checked into the cargo hold. Air Canada's website warns: "Once you have accepted the "No Checked Baggage" option, should you for any reason decide to check a bag you will be charged $50."

Hold the tinsel Don't wrap your holiday presents, because customs people and baggage screeners are likely to want to check out that iPod you got grandpa. Wait until you get to your destination before gussying up your gifts.

Passports, please. A U.S. rule requiring all air travellers to have passports was to take effect Jan. 8, but it will now take effect Jan. 23 because of a delay in setting up equipment to scan travel documents. And by mid-2009, U.S. rules will require a passport to cross the border by plane, car or ship. So if you haven't got a passport, get one. It speeds your border crossing because it's simpler for bureaucrats to recognize than a driver's licence or student ID.

Be thankful. To beat the frustration, it helps to remind yourself that air travel still beats the options. When you can cross the continent in a few hours or soar from a blizzard to a sunny beach in a single day, consider that there were generations of Canadians whose travel was limited to the speed of a horse.

Have a nice flight.

Editor's note: Wallace Immen has been a frequent flyer and travel writer for 25 years.

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