Maryjean Ballner demonstrates how to massage a cat in a popular YouTube video. (Catmassage.com/YouTube)

2009 had its share of completely absurd viral clips, but this little gem, a comprehensive how-to guide for wannabe feline masseurs, takes the cake -- or the catnip, if you will.

I originally discovered this video on the crazy clip compendium Everything Is Terrible, but it quickly spread like wildfire across the interwebs. Watch, learn and enjoy:

I think its awesomeness is due to a combination of factors:

1) Though she's spreading the gospel about an admittedly esoteric discipline, the woman who hosts this little interlude takes her job very, very seriously. Not a shred of irony here!

2) Along with that fascinating earnestness, our affable host bears a bizarre resemblance to Canada's Songbird, one Anne Murray. She's also sporting a divine early-'90s ensemble -- a kaleidoscopic orgy of rayon prints!

3) The video boasts delightfully cheesy production values, including hokey animated titles that flash hilarious phrases like CHINNY CHIN CHIN, RUFFLING SHUFFLE and WHISKER WATCH ALERT across the screen.

4) The featured cat -- I believe he's called "Champion," though that might just be a stage name -- does not seem to be enjoying his massage.

5) The clip boasts a veritable cornucopia of amazing lines, including the following:

• "If we understood fluent meow, our cats would tell us that petting is passe, because your cat wants a massage. No oils or lotions are needed. Cat massage even helps some cats tolerate a bath... but I don't think we'll be showing that"


• "Remember the old Simon and Garfunkel song? 'Slow down, you're movin' too fast'? That says a lot about life -- and about cat massage. What may seem excruciatingly slow to us is so appropriate to a feline."


• "In this case, a drooler is not a person specializing in rings and watches."

6) This is promotional material for a professional animal massage company!

--Sarah Liss