Anne of Green Gables, Vampire Slayer
- February 10, 2009 4:20 PM |
- By Arts Online
Megan Follows as Anne of Green Gables. (Sullivan Home Entertainment/CBC)
The news that Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen's beloved rom-com, has been rewritten with zombies is sure to raise the hackles of literary purists. It's bad enough that coattail-riding hacks have had the temerity to pen sequels and variations to Gone With the Wind, Lolita and other classics. Now comedy writer Seth Grahame-Smith has opened the door for all kinds of perverse text twisting with his bizarre parody, which promises the sight of spirited English maidens battling the brain-munching undead between tea parties and barouche rides.
What's left of Austen's skeleton must be rolling in the grave. Then again, maybe the author would've found the idea amusing – after all, her own Northanger Abbey was a satire of the fledgling Gothic genre. In any case, Grahame-Smith's book got us thinking of some other public-domain classics that might benefit from a monster mash-up. And why limit it to zombies? Some suggestions:
Anne of Green Gables, Vampire Slayer: A spunky red-haired orphan arrives in the picturesque town of Avonlea, only to discover it's built on a Hell Mouth. Happily, Anne was born to kick vampire butt and the Green Gables picket fence is a great source of wooden stakes. Highlights include a climactic battle when demons try to spoil the Sunday-school picnic.
Uncle Tom's Cabin of Voodoo: In this Obama-era revision of Harriet Beecher Stowe's pre-Civil War tale, the humble black slave of the title no longer takes it lying down. When Simon Legree breaks out the whip and bloodhounds, Voodoo Uncle Tom fights back, casting a hex that forces the plantation owner to break into repeated renditions of Neil Young's Southern Man.
David Copperfield – He's Magic!: No monsters here, just some damn fine sleight-of-hand. Dickens's young hero now endures the woes of 19th-century England with a set of illusionist's skills. Watch as he transforms vicious, cane-wielding schoolmasters into kettles of hasty pudding and makes an entire debtors' prison vanish before our very eyes.
– Martin Morrow
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