Lady Gaga's Poker Face: a resounding meh

Pop artist Lady Gaga. (Darrin Zammit Lupi/Reuters)

Even though it seemed to be about -- to borrow a phrase from Madonna -- getting stupid at a club (or possibly, if one wanted to approach the tune from a darker angle, being the unwitting victim of a roofie dosing), I found myself grudgingly enjoying Lady Gaga's single Just Dance this summer. Irritatingly catchy, the track was one of those squelchy guilty pleasures that never failed to make me bounce in my seat whenever it came on a car radio.

Would that I could say the same thing about her latest tune, Poker Face.

I just don't get it. This single bothers me on so many different levels. My issues with Poker Face include, but are not limited to:

• The fact that the chorus is a stuttered "P-p-p-p-p-poker face," as though Lady Gaga found herself with a couple bars to fill and just got too pooped to, y'know, bother writing actual words.
• The fact that the melody is like a sl-o-o-o-o-wed down, vaguely opiate-fogged version of the hook from Just Dance.
• The fact that Lady Gaga is clad in outfits that suggest far more interesting and innovative dance-pop talents (Goldfrapp, Roisin Murphy) in the video. (A petty quibble, to be sure, but one that I feel bears a cursory mention.)
• The fact that, for reasons that defy logic, the tune triggers long-dormant memories of that jaw-droppingly graphic Khia track My Neck, My Back. Highly uncomfortable.
• The fact that the intro employs some delightfully cheesy hollow-reed '80s delayed-synth effects, which will be forever tainted by dint of their association with this terrible song.
• The half-spoken/half-sung bits, which are just awful and seem to be filtered through Auto-Tune. This, I feel, suggests that Lady Gaga isn't even able to speak without digital assistance.
• The fact that the hook ("Can't read my / Can't read my / Po-ker face!") is reminiscent of far superior mid-90s diva-house tunes (i.e. those featured on compilations shilled by pigtailed DJ Chris Sheppard on MuchMusic). Though this quality could work in Poker Face's favour, it merely serves to make me nostalgic for the days of Love, Inc.

Am I missing something? Does Poker Face have any redeeming qualities?