The action thriller The Losers stars, from left to right, Zoe Saldana, Chris Evans, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Columbus Short, Idris Elba and Oscar Jaenada. (Warner Bros. Pictures)

When we first meet the so-called Losers, they are hidden deep in the jungles of Bolivia, doing what most Special Forces operatives are wont to do: playing cards and staging shadow-puppet shows against an American flag backdrop.

The violence is edited with such speed-freak twitchiness that it is sometimes dizzying and confusing, an effect that helps to obscure the high body count.

In the attention-deficit universe of The Losers, this makes sense. There is no time to waste on plausibility, well-scripted jokes or character development. Instead, the five members of the titular military squad are introduced in freeze-frame comic panels, and their nicknames and areas of technical expertise are all we have to guide us through what proves to be an abortive mission.

Led by Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan, looking doughy and tired), the men are given the task of blowing up a drug lord’s villa. Altruistic softies all, they pause to free the children who are being used as the cartel’s mules, only to watch them perish in a getaway chopper and the first of many computer-generated fireballs. Presumed dead and aware they’ve been double-crossed by their CIA boss, Max (Jason Patric), the government soldiers go rogue, vowing to exact revenge.

An underwritten femme fatale warrior named Aisha (Zoe Saldana) provides them with a way out of the jungle. Harbouring her own (never quite explained) grudge against Max, she offers to smuggle the Losers back to the U.S. if they’ll agree to off the evil S.O.B. She also throws in some free sexual favours and the camera takes every opportunity to ogle her lithe, gazelle-like limbs as she puts the moves on Clay.

This setup paves the way for all kinds of globe-trotting and mind-numbing action sequences. Whether they’re in Puerto Rico, Miami, Mumbai or Los Angeles, this ragtag band of mercenaries always leaves plenty of explosions in its wake. The Losers is technically polished – copping reverse zooms, mid-air high kicks and sputtering, jittery camerawork borrowed from a handful of other action movies (notably The Matrix). The violence is edited with such speed-freak twitchiness that it is sometimes dizzying and confusing, an effect that helps to obscure the movie’s high body count.

Director Sylvain White does take some admirable stabs at acknowledging the source material, a series of DC comic books written by Andy Diggle and illustrated by Jock. He injects many scenes with the bold primary colours of graphic novels, an effect that works especially well in some of the film’s slick night shots. But this is all in the service of a script that’s often as dumb as rocks.

Jason Patric is the villainous Max in The Losers. (Warner Bros. Pictures)

How else to describe a movie where the supervillain is in possession of a weapon called a “snuke,” a “sonic dematerializer” he is planning to use to wage some kind of green terrorist war on the planet? The film’s humour is equally ill-conceived, consisting of adolescent cracks about pink Petunia T-shirts and the double meaning of the phrase “Clay and his unit.”

Given all the chaos and noise going on around them, it’s a welcome treat when some of the actors manage to make an impression. Sadly, I am not referring to Saldana, though her hot pants have great presence. As Clay’s right-hand man, Roque, Idris Elba (The Wire) manages to create a three-dimensional character, while Chris Evans takes his role as the team’s computer nerd and milks it for all its worth.

The Losers’s best moments, however, belong to Jason Patric, who appears to be phoning his performance in from another planet altogether. Sporting white suits, snooty airs and a lone black leather glove, Max is a super-baddie right out of a Bond flick. This isn’t good acting – it just gives new meaning to over-the-top. But at least Patric’s having fun. He knows he’s stuck in a dud, but with all signs pointing to a sequel at film’s close, it’s bound to be a highly profitable one.

The Losers opens April 23.

Lee Ferguson writes about the arts for CBC News.