Beth (Kristen Bell, right) discovers Nick (Josh Duhamel) is interested in her when she picks up coins from a fountain of love in the romantic comedy When in Rome. (Buena Vista Pictures)

When in Rome begins in New York, where a museum curator named Beth (Kristen Bell) is in her element at a chi-chi gala. Driven, successful, neurotic and single – is there any other kind of woman in the modern rom-com? – Beth has given up on love, trading in dates for smart pantsuits and a Madonna headset.

If you've ever wondered what it's like to see two pieces of Wonder Bread mate, watch Kristen Bell and Josh Duhamel in When in Rome.

Thanks to some creaky screenwriting tropes, this disillusioned lass soon finds herself at a wedding in Rome, where the cellphone-toting best man, Nick (Josh Duhamel), makes an impression. When Beth coos, "Who is your service provider?" at the reception, it's time to cue the witty, sexually charged His Girl Friday banter. Sadly, the best the screenwriting duo behind Old Dogs can muster is "You smell like lavender," which is followed by the retort, "You smell like livestock."

Feeling as depressed and bored as this viewer, Beth retreats, champagne bottle in hand, to a "Fountain of Love," where she chortles to herself over the very notion of Prince Charming and plucks five coins out of the fountain. The tipsy act triggers a whole lot of thunderclaps and lightning, and by the time Beth is back in New York, five ardent suitors — Nick among them — are drooling at her Jimmy Choo heels.

Even if you set aside this cockamamie, magic-realist set-up, When in Rome makes for a head-scratching viewing experience. It's being marketed as a traditional romantic comedy, where numerous obstacles postpone Beth's attempts to find true love. Taken on this level, When in Rome is a mess, in part because Bell and Duhamel are competent but lack that extra dash of Bullock-Grant charisma that could make the bland-as-oatmeal dialogue palatable. If you've ever wondered what it's like to see two pieces of Wonder Bread mate, now's your chance.

Beth's obsessed suitors include, from left, a street musician (Jon Heder), a model (Dax Shepard), an artist (Will Arnett) and a sausage magnate (Danny DeVito). (Buena Vista Pictures)

Perhaps sensing that meaningful glances and wistful speeches about Picasso paintings and old days of football glory won't fly, director Mark Steven Johnson (Ghost Rider) keeps cutting away to anything that will liven things up – clown cars, Shaquille O' Neill, Nick running smack dab into a tree and several random scenes of Kristen Bell jogging in Central Park.

Seemingly by accident, Johnson finally hits upon something with those pesky suitors, who include a shlubby sausage magnate (Danny DeVito), a demented artist (Will Arnett), a gothy street magician (Jon Heder) and a narcissistic male model named Gale (a scene-stealing Dax Shepard). Each of these guys gets his moment to make a deranged pitch for Beth's affections, and though all of this material feels like it belongs in another movie, it does provide some welcome laughs. Watching these bit players strut their stuff is like attending a night at an improv club – not all of their gags work, but you still admire them for trying.

Yet every time one of Beth's stalkers manages to rouse a chuckle from the audience, When in Rome veers back into straight-up romance territory, where the cornball dialogue and leading instrumental score work overtime trying to disguise the fact the two leads don't have much chemistry.

Bell and Duhamal have only one great scene together, set in one of those trendy restaurants where patrons can dine in complete darkness. They're served by a waitress (Kristen Schaal) in night-vision goggles, who wanders into frame, delivers her whacked-out lines with the timing of a born comedienne and promptly walks off with this entire movie. This character, so secondary you won't even catch her name, is a painful reminder of all that's missing from When in Rome. Back in the heyday of the romantic comedy, someone would have made an entire film about this wonderful, daffy creature. But in today's rom-com, we get to watch Kristen Bell jogging instead.

When in Rome opens Jan. 29.

Lee Ferguson writes about the arts for CBC News.