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Comic Bruce Clark's musings part deux

Mark Twain said, “When you find yourself in the majority, it’s time to consider changing positions.” And positioning is what candidates are doing in these early, not-so-heady days of the election.

“Promises, promises” as my mother used to say, when I told her I would quit loafing on the couch and get a job. Jack Layton is promising billions of dollars for daycare if he gets elected. Of course, the chances of Jack Layton getting elected is about as probable as your alcoholic uncle who lives in a rooming house leaving you millions of dollars after he takes his last slug of Five Star. It ain’t gonna happen.

The Liberals have announced a $900 million plan to cover expensive prescription drugs. That will come in handy on October 15 for a post-partum Stephane Dion, who will undoubtedly need barrels of Prozac or Paxil to cheer him up when he’s ultimately cast aside as leader of the Liberal party for Bob Rae, Mikey Ignatieff or some other buffoon who can actually string an English sentence together.

Elizabeth May is promising tax cuts for low-income earners. Maybe not such a great political move considering low-income earners may be too busy to vote because they’re working three jobs to subsidize the tax cuts of high-income earners. May also wants to raise the GST one point and use that money for the creation of a “post-carbon economy.” Whatever the heck that is. Since all voters are carbon-based life forms, I can only surmise that a “post-carbon economy” would be comprised of a world of emotionless, pragmatic automatons that want to rule the world.

Which brings me to Stephen Harper and the rest of the Conservatives. Harper has “given his blessing” and agreed to release the cost of the debacle that is the Afghanistan mission. Nice of Harper to OK the release of a report that will tell us what he has been spending our money on. Until now, Harper has been like the secretive husband with a bad gambling problem who has to explain to his wife why the grocery money has been “invested” in the corner pub’s VLTs. Only difference is, you actually have a chance of winning on a VLT.

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