CBC MARKETPLACE: SERVICES » ONLINE DATING
Josey Vogels' online dating tips
Broadcast: Mar 16, 2004
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Josey Vogels

If you could give us three key points that you would give your readers on internet dating services, what would they be?

I think it’s good to market yourself and make yourself kind of sexy and make your ad a little sexy, but don’t blatantly lie because you will eventually have to meet the person.

Be distinct in your ad if you want to stand out and have people pay attention to you.

Meet people soon in person, before things get too far and then you meet them and you realize there’s no chemistry and you’ve wasted all this time.

What sort of advice do you give your readers about internet dating?

Take it with a grain of salt and don’t believe everything that people say. And I also tell people to not get your expectations up too high.

It’s great to have this romantic written communication - and I think internet dating has done a lot for the written word again because people can present themselves and talk to each other and communicate through the written word in completely different ways than they can in person. So you can be totally charmed by someone’s writing style and their sense of humour on electronic mail and meet them and they don’t have that personality at all, so I think it’s a good idea to meet people as soon as possible.

Don’t misrepresent yourself because you will have to meet that person at some point.

You want to stand out with your personal ad and market yourself in a way that’s going to attract attention. Well, I think that’s multiple-fold on the internet because of volume. There are literally millions of ads on the internet. How do you stand out? How do you catch the attention of all those people who are on there looking?

People tend to come up with generic descriptions of themselves as opposed to finding a way to really set themselves apart. Or maybe it’s what kind of movies and what it is about those kinds of movies that you like? I mean, most of us like movies. That’s a given.

More online dating tips
Source: datesafely.com

Before the first date:

1. Get an anonymous e-mail account.

Never post your real name online. Remove it from chat programs, and any e-mail accounts that you use for recreational correspondence. If you need to get one, try Yahoo or Hotmail.

2. Take time!

Nothing will give you better perspective than time! Has your date's habits, mood or language inexplicably changed? Are you becoming more suspicious of something with time; perhaps something just doesn't feel right?

3. Get a phone number!

Chat on the phone a few times... what can you hear in the background? Do background noises match the information you have been told? Is the household supposed to have children, pets, etc.? Listen, Listen, Listen! Remember to block caller-ID until you choose to give your number. Note that if you have been asked to call an 800 number it's likely that your phone number will be recorded on the recipient's phone bill.

4. Verify the phone number!

Call Directory Assistance and ensure that your date's phone number matches the name they gave you... If your date's number is unlisted, Directory Assistance will verify that "so and so" has a number, but it's unlisted.

5. Call at unanticipated times!

Someone who cherishes you will always delight to take your call! Does someone unexpected answer the phone? Does your date seem irritable that you are calling unexpectedly? Perhaps they have something to hide.. Don't be a pest, but try a couple of unanticipated times... just to sense the temperature...

6. Ask to see a family photo!

Is your date a "family man?" Is (s)he proud of the children? Do the kids seem to match the details you were told?

7. Get a physical address and mail a card.

Use a return address that will not reveal your identity or your physical address (i.e. just use your screen name and a PO Box or work address) and see if the card is returned for any reason. Allow a minimum of 10 days to receive returned mail if the address turns out to be bogus.

8. Ask about previous relationships.

Was your date previously married? In any long term relationships? Why did they end? Does there seem to be any remorse? Should there be? Does your date seem to have recovered from the separation or dissolving of the relationship? Always ask "What would the other person say about you?" Listen, listen, listen! If it feels right, ask questions. If it all feels wrong, ask questions. Clarify! If it doesn't seem to add up, it might not!

For the first date:

1. Clarify everyone's expectations.

Nothing hurts a relationship or friendship more than poor communication! If you are both on the same wavelength you are less likely to get hurt. If you are not on the same wavelength, perhaps it's best to wait until you are!

2. Always use common sense.

Just because you have known someone online for some time, do not let down your guard any sooner than with a "traditional" date.

3. Double date if possible.

Your best friend is dying for the details anyway! If you judge that to be too awkward, ask if perhaps your best friend might also take in the same activities and kind of keep an eye peeled for you!

4. Always conduct early dates in very public places.

Go to a restaurant in the mall. Go to a club at a hotel. Always be near other people. If you want to take a walk hand in hand, let it be in the mall. Want the great outdoors? Walk near the surf on a popular beach.

5. Avoid relying on your date for transportation.

If you want to end the date or need to end the date, don't be left in the unenviable position of being hostage to transportation. Do not leave your car behind!

6. Think ahead.

Know in advance where police and fire stations are so you know where you can get help if needed. Anticipate some snags, and pre-plan your response.

7. Never leave your food or beverages unattended.

Powerful new drugs exist that can make you prey to the other person's wishes and hardly recall anything in the morning. If you start to feel ill, insist on calling a friend or taking a cab if you are too ill to drive home.

8. Let someone know your plans.

Tell someone who you are going to be with, including name & phone number. If it's convenient, notice your date's license plate number and leave the information on your answering machine at home or with a friend. Agree to be home at a certain hour, or to call someone to let them know you will be late.