End it or mend it? Your toughest relationships questions answered by The Goods cast
Relationships are tricky. Deciding whether or not to end a relationship can be even harder.
Relationships, whether they be romantic in nature or friendships, are complicated. And sometimes, deciding whether a relationship should be severed, or if it's worth salvaging is even trickier. The Goods invited viewers to write in with their relationship issues and Shahir Massoud Andrea Bain offered their opinions on whether to end things — or mend them. Have a look at some of these issues and decide for yourselves!
1. I met a great guy, and just found out that he's never been in a relationship for longer than six months. He's 38 and I'm 36. I don't have time to waste with a commitment phobe! Should I stick around, or is this a major red flag? End it? Or, mend it?
Shahir and Andrea say: END IT! If you're 38 you usually stick around for awhile until someone better comes around. That said, if you really, really think this could be something special, have a discussion with him. Being a serial monogamist is sometimes worst. Be upfront and tell them what you want. Don't make a decision for them.
2. A few years ago, my husband and I loaned $8,000 to a friend. This friend was having trouble making ends meet and we were in a position to help. But they've only paid half of it back. They're in a better financial position now and we're feeling taken advantage of. Should we end this friendship, or mend it?
Shahir and Andrea say: END IT! Your friend should be your last resort. It changes relationships, especially if you don't get that money back. If you say "lend" or "borrow" and you don't pay it back, you're the worst type of friend. Here's a trick from a rich man. If people call you for money, do not return the call for two weeks. Gets you off the hook. They'll find another option.
3. I've been with my high school sweetheart for a little more than 10 years. He proposed recently, but for some reason the idea of getting married doesn't excite me. I'm worried because I've never experienced anyone else, and the thought has crossed my mind that I may be missing out on someone better. Should I end it, or mend it?
Shahir and Andrea say: END IT! I don't believe in cold feet. Hold off on the marriage. Divorce is very expensive. Take some time and see a councillor before agreeing to get married. Alternately, you could ask for a "free pass" before the wedding. Shahir had a friend that did this, and it worked for them.
4. I have a friend who drags me down. She went through a difficult break up a year ago and she's having a hard time moving on. Whenever we talk she sounds depressed, she complains about all the things wrong in her life. Any advice I try and share, she ignores. Should I end this friendship, or mend it?
Shahir and Andrea say: MEND IT! If she's really your friend you just need to come up with a new tactic to help her move on.
5. My best friend of 12 years asked me to be her maid of honor. I was honoured, until she turned into the biggest bridezilla ever. She expects all her bridesmaids to pitch in for costs that I don't feel is our responsibility. When I mentioned it to her, she made me feel like I was the one being the bad friend. Should I end it or mend it?
Shahir and Andrea say: MEND IT! People lose their mind when they are planning a wedding. As long as she goes back to normal once the wedding is done, it's fine.
6. I've been married for 23 years, and my husband recently revealed a secret. He's developed an addiction to porn over the last couple of years, and finds ways to watch it in secret every day. He blames me, because our sex life is not what it once was. We are having a hard time coming to the same page on this. Should I end it, or mend it?
Shahir and Andrea say: GET HELP! Although he knows that he has a problem, he's blaming her. This is above our pay grade. This is where you seek professional help. What defines a porn addiction? You and your partner need to sit down and discuss this. Everyone watches porn on some level. If you ask a male if they watch pornography, they are 100 percent lying to you if they say no. Don't listen to us! Get professional help.
7. This guy I'm dating is way too frugal. He always suggests dates that cost very little, he hates paying full price for anything, and he even digs for coupons when we go out to eat. I feel bad for feeling embarrassed by this. Obviously we have different views on spending. Should I end this, or mend it?
Shahir and Andrea say: MEND IT! They're needs to be a ying and a yang in every relationship. That said, if you're going to be cheap, you have to at least be creative.
8. My husband and I have been married for six months. He's been in and out of jobs since we met four years ago, and was recently let go after a bad performance review. He treats me great, and would give me his last penny, but I'm worried I'll end up financially supporting him for the rest of my life. Should I end it or mend it?
Shahir and Andrea say: MEND IT! It takes time to find yourself. It really depends on his age and whether he's trying his best. But if he's been in and out of jobs, you knew what you were getting yourself into. That said, if there's a laziness element, get out of there. There will be hard times. The question is, is he making an effort, or is he just sitting on his ass? Is this just a hard time? You have to listen to your gut.
9. I'm seeing a man who considers his ex-wife his closest friend. They were together for several years but don't have kids. I'm trying to not be insecure about their friendship but sometimes I wonder if he's over her or not. Should I end this, or mend it?
Shahir and Andrea say: END IT! When a relationship ends, you should make space for the new person to come into your life. You're setting up a situation where the new person could feel very insecure. You have history, and you have stories. Do the new person you want in your life a favour, tie up all of your loose ends.
10. I've been dating a guy I met online for almost six months, but he still keeps his [online dating] profile active. He says I have nothing to worry about, and I want to trust him, but it just doesn't sit well with me. Should I end it or mend it?
Shahir and Andrea say: MEND IT! Make sure you're not chasing your own tail. It should be clear within six months if it's exclusive or not. If you haven't had the discussion then you set yourself up to be upset. How do you know that he's still on the dating apps? Are YOU still on the dating apps?
11. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. Within the last year, my sex drive has dropped, and I'm not sure if it's because I'm not attracted to him anymore. I find myself fantasizing about other men. Should I end it or mend it?
Shahir and Andrea say: MEND IT! Isn't this normal? Relationships ebb and flow. Be open with your partner but don't throw it away. Try to find a solution.
12. My best friend is a divorced mother of two. She desperate to find a father figure for her children, but she's going about it in all the wrong ways. She introduces her kids [to men she's dating] way too soon. I've tried to give her advice but she's too stubborn to listen. Should we end it or mend it?
Shahir and Andrea say: MEND IT! Aren't these the moments when friendship are most important? You don't end it when friendship are the most difficult. This is what friendship is. She needs a voice of reason. Stick around and help her figure it out. Don't leave her on her own. If you leave, who's going to be her voice of reason? And if you're really good friends she'll know your opinion isn't coming from an area of hate. Do it for the kids.