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When he was in middle school, Phong Nguyen earned the nickname Chuckie because of a fondness for knives he shared with the 1980s horror movie doll. Now 'Chuckie' is 20 years old, and the name has stayed.
"And I was like what the fuck, you know, you've been away from my life for like eight years and you're going to come and all of a sudden bring some kids and say hey this is your brother and sister. So, I got mad that time and I just told him fuck you, get out of my life."
"During that expulsion is when I really went into all that gang shit, you know what I mean? I guess I climbed all the way to the ladder at the top. And at one point in this city, they labelled me as like some big time Asian gang member. Until this day police still have that on profile that state that I'm a Vietnamese gang member and so and so.
Gillian Findlay: And you're not?
I'm not. I can say honestly I've never been a gang member. But I guess, like you, are who you roll with, right?"
Chuckie started with selling pot, stealing cars for joy-rides and getting into fights with guys from rival neighbourhoods. It grew to selling crack, or ecstasy, or whatever he could steal. Soon he was into guns and the stakes were higher. Chuckie made enemies. He was shot at, beat up and robbed. Someone tried to run him over.
)
He decided that night to end the cycle of violence that had been so much part of his life.
"I swallowed my pride that night. I could have you know done some things, but basically, you know it's over. For my mom because it hit home, you know what I mean? If it was me outside on the street and those guys beat me up, it would probably be different right, but the fact that it hit home and, and it really made me realize that people that aren't even involved in that shit, innocent people, have to suffer because of certain things I did in the past, you know what I mean?"
His mother, who lost her job in a factory two years ago and now does temp work, struggles to support herself and her son. When money is tight, Chuckie knows how easy it would be to bring some in by selling some drugs or robbing someone. And with the connections and means at his fingertips, it's hard to say no to easy money.
In the summer of 2006, Chuckie found himself on the hook for a $1600 debt from a pot deal when his partners in the deal refused to pay their share. He owed the money to a drug dealer whose patience had run out. Chuckie's dilemma was very clear: come up with the money or suffer the consequences.
He could have raised the stakes, threatened his partners for the money and escalated the situation into something potentially deadly. Instead, he swallowed his pride once again and borrowed the money from a half-brother who occasionally helps support the family. All that died were the friendships with his partners.
"I seriously just have no direction to go. Like what really is turning your life around? Does that mean I just stop getting into fights, stop selling drugs, stop hanging around a certain crowd that's labelled as bad and shit? How am I supposed to pursue something I don't know? And to be honest sometimes I just wish that there's somebody out there that would just come and rescue me out of this life, you know? Fairy tale shit I know, but one can't help but just wish. In the end, it feels like I lost everything, you know? I guess that's a good thing though because if I really wanted to turn my life around, you gotta lose everything to gain something."