Blogorama Canada. Blogorama!

It’s me. Marcy. Still guest hosting DNTO for Sook-Yin.

And I have to say…it is seriously good times!

I had so much fun doing the leadership show. And then…seeing Obama get elected this week in the States…it was amazing. Inspiring. On the heels of delving into things like how to spot a leader and why some people make good leaders, I watched his speech on Tuesday night in a whole new way. I was crying in my house in Winnipeg and I don’t have an American or African American bone in my body. That man is a leader. You just know it.

Now, the coffee talk around our office is the question of when Canadians are going to follow suit and elect an Aboriginal Prime Minister…

I personally hope it’s a grandmother. And we bust through two ceilings at once.

This week has been a hotbed of emotion around the Definitely Not the Opera office.

Guilt, pride, self-awareness, embarrassment and regret.

It’s probably because of the topic of this weeks show: giving.

And why it’s so bloody complicated!

I’m going to bring you into the fold of where my mind has been this week.

I’ve been thinking about Erwin…my sponsor child in Columbia.

Hooray for me.

I must be a good giving person.

But wait…

I don’t write to him, I never forged a relationship.

Bad giver.




Hang on…

I’ve been giving thirty seven bucks a month for twelve years!

Good giver.




But wait…

I don’t actually know if the money is getting through.

Dumb giver.




And then…

There is the fact that Erwin is actually not a foster child anymore.

He’s a foster man.

He’s a twenty one year old foster man.

No need to be a giver?!!.




So I called World Vision.

And one lady made me feel good about my choice to give to Erwin.

She said that he was still in the same village and that the money was used for educational training and programs there.

She also said that when I signed up in 1997, it was the first year of their project in that region and that it had now progressed to a point that they would soon be pulling out.

GOOD GIVER!!! I HAVE BEEN PART OF PROGRESS!




But wait…

I also called the head of World Vision’s PR department.

I wanted to see if we could contact Erwin for DNTO’s giving show.

The PR lady told me that she would look into it.

She said because he was an adult, it may be possible.

I was very excited.

And then the shoe dropped.

She phoned back to say that their office in Columbia thought it would be strange for Erwin to be talking to some lady who hadn’t written to him in all of these years.

She said perhaps I wanted to reflect something more genuine on the show.

She offered to arrange an interview for me with a sponsor who had actually visited and written to their child.




Ouch.

BAD GIVER confirmed.




I knew it.

I didn’t give enough.

Sending the money every month might have made me feel good but it was really a monetary cover-up.

A payoff to myself for my deficiencies as a sponsor, or maybe for my deficiencies as a giver in my life.




So here I sit.

Deflated and depressed in Winnipeg.

I wish I had written to Erwin.

I also wish I had never called World Vision.

I’m a little mad at them.

I kind of want to cancel my sponsorship.

But you know what? I probably won’t.

Because I have twelve years of pictures of my foster man in a box in our den.

And for me, they have always represented a place in the world that has less.

A place in the world that seems worthy of my donation dollar.

I never asked if the money went to a boy or to a well.

I just had a little faith.

And in the end…that’s all I need to give.




Enjoy the show.

Marcy.




P.S. - to end on an up note, here's a bit of a truly lovely e-mail we got from CBC listener Gina - and since it features chickens, we just had to share:

"You all seem to rock! I love all the programs, you are on in my chicken barn 24/7 (discourage predators), sometimes I hang out with them just so I don't miss part of a show.

Here's a picture of one of the chickens. No matter how much he listens to the radio, he definitely is still stupid.

Gina"

Gina, YOU rock. And the chicken kinda does too. Thanks!